Daydreamer

I think about a lot of things. Very rarely, I'll daydream about something pleasant. So I'll talk about how I daydream and what I think about when I do.

I love being in places that are quiet and full of sunlight. Listening to music in a sunny and quiet area helps set the calm mood. The library is the best place for me to daydream because it's quiet and full of windows that bring in natural light into the room. It doesn't matter what kind of music I listen to. The music determines what kind of daydream I want.

So what do I daydream about? Well, there's a lot to cover but I'll give some examples.

When I like someone:
There's a warm and cozy feeling to it, filled with smiles and hugs. Something that always comes up when I daydream about that person is when I hug him. Ahhhhh... hugs. I personally think that hugs are better than kisses. Back hugs are my favorite. I think they're really cute. Besides, they can lead to something sweet or something more. Hehe...

When I feel nostalgic:
I'm happy, confident, and a free person. They're mostly daydreams about dancing with KDT again. I'm feeling cute, sexy, or badass af. Man, I miss those days. Everyone is laughing, we're all supporting each other, and roasting everyone at the same time. It's important to have people like that in your life. They help make life worth living.

When I feel sad:
My chest feels heavy and I feel lonely. I'm expecting someone to embrace me and tell me that everything will be ok while I cry in that person's arms. But it never happens. I can't do anything in that moment. My mind is clouded with whatever I'm thinking about. Sometimes I let out a long sigh or feel the burning tension in my eyes.

Lonely Nights

Whenever I feel sad or an overwhelming moment of depression, I like to sit or lay still and feel it. It helps a lot because I don't have anyone to talk to about my thoughts. They're too dark and depressing. No one would be able to understand why I think this way or why I have these thoughts.

I forced myself to cry in the shower today. I knew that something was bothering me. But I kept pushing it in the back of my mind. I knew I wanted to cry it all out before but I couldn't at the moment. So then I cried today.

The warm water felt like a warm embrace, something that I miss and need. Something to tell me that I'll get over it. Something to tell me that everything will be ok. Something to tell me that I'll be ok.

Maybe that's why I sleep with two heavy blankets, three pillows, and a plushie.

Highlight - It's Still Beautiful

Uneasiness

I knew that something was bothering me when I stepped into the shower today and stood there longer than I should. I had this uneasy feeling about something today. I took a shower after I ate breakfast hoping that it would calm myself down.

I undressed and stepped into the steamy shower. Droplets of hot water touched my body and I felt relieved for a bit. But that uneasy feeling was slowly creeping back. It made me feel weak, vulnerable, and pity for myself. It reminded me of all the unreasonable negativity that I wanted to forget about. I knew that there was a logical explanation to them. I knew that there was a chance to do better. I knew I had to get over it. But they clouded my mind.

My hands ran through the wet strands of hair a few times. I faced the shower head, intertwined my fingers together, and placed them behind my neck. The hot water running down my face didn't help. So I went on and washed my hair and body. 

I knew this uneasy feeling would pass eventually. I went though my day with it lurking in the back of my mind, waiting for it to go away. But it was more like waiting for something to happen to make it go away. 

Hot Showers

I have way too much on my mind to work on my homework. So then I decided to take a hot shower to calm down.

After washing my hair and my body, I let the warm water fall onto my face and stood there for a few seconds. Then I turned around and felt the water on my tense back. 

I twisted the two silver knobs to the right and the water stopped flowing from the shower head. I stood there for a few moments and thought about how much is going through my head. Jealously, disappointment, and loneliness. Just a few of the many unwanted emotions that I wanted to throw away.

I grabbed my towel that was hanging on the pole that was holding the shower curtain and did the best I could to dry off my body. For some weird reason, I pressed my back against the cold tiles. Of course my body flinched against the sudden cold feeling, but I kept moving my back closer and closer until I felt my entire back touching the tiles while holding my towel to my chest. The adrenaline kicked in and thought to myself, "I miss this feeling." 

I took my towel and wrapped it around my hair so that the water from my hair wouldn't drip on my body. I left the tub and stepped onto the shower mat to dry my feet. The bathroom was warm and steamy. 

I wish I could've stayed there for hours and hours. It was nice to think about something pleasant and calming. The warm feeling was something I needed lately.