Bloop bloop

I kinda need a break from being hella productive lately. Therapy, homework, trying to see friends, depression and anxiety... I've been pretty busy lately. I'll type up this random post really quick and I'll go back to studying.

Oh yeah, I uh deleted some stuff on this blog. They're gone because I feel ashamed and embarrassed to have those thoughts and feelings... I really don't know why I feel that way. I shouldn't be but it's probably because of my anxiety... Whatever. What's gone is gone. If I ever do post something like that again, I'll delete it in a few weeks... But just because those posts are gone doesn't mean the emotions I poured out into them are gone... They're still there and being acknowledged. Still comfortable and loving...

I dunno... I feel like I can't really trust anyone. I still have my doubts about people. Eventually the people you consider your best friends won't be your friends anymore, people will be replaced and forgotten, and you'll be out in the world by yourself. I don't want to rely a part of my happiness on my friends or some significant other because I've had my share of being let down by people I thought were my friends. Yeah it's nice to have some company once in a while, but you can't depend on your friends and family to be there for you all the time. There will be times when they can't and you have to learn how to deal with things by yourself.

I think that's why I like doing stuff by myself. I'm still learning how to deal with all these new adult responsibilities and feelings.