I did it! First day of counseling!

I got counseling for the first time today! It wasn't much since it's only the first day but I'm really happy I got enough courage to go through the process.

I was pretty nervous while I was filling out the paperwork because once I signed the papers, there was no turning back on this. When I was called up and followed the counselor, I felt even more nervous and emotional. Once I started talking about the gist of my depression, I felt like crying just a few minutes into the conversation. The counselor started asking simple questions about my depression and I couldn't help but start tearing up. It was pretty difficult at first because I was trying to keep my composure so I could talk more instead of crying most of the time. Then things calmed down after she talked to me about everything.

She told me not to give up on my dream and that there are other way for me to achieve it. What she found saddening was that I was giving up at a young age. I'm 19 right now and there are plenty of med school students that finished in their late 20s and early 40s. That gives me a little bit of hope.

We ended things off on a positive note. She told me to think about a way to cope with my depression and to find something that gives my life meaning or something I look forward to in life. I perform and dance with my friends in the dance team as a way to cope with it. I really don't know what gives my life meaning. I never really thought about it until today. I guess missing out on significant life moments pushes me to carry on so I can experience them. For example, I never knew I would get my first kiss, go on a date, or cuddle with someone back then. Here I am now saying that I have experienced those moments and they're even more important since I experienced them with someone special. He means a lot to me and I'm happy he was the one I had my "firsts" with.

Then I was told that I'd be moving to a different counseling place because the one I went to today is only for short-term counseling. I've had depression for nine years so I need to move where long-term counseling is provided. At the counseling place I'll be going to tomorrow, I'll have weekly appointments and the counselor I had today will be getting updates about my progress and have a follow up appointment to see how I'm doing with therapy.

I'm proud of myself for taking this first step into therapy. I'm looking forward to the weekly appointments and getting better someday :)