Right now I'm typing out whatever I can think of so that I can get in the mood to actually work on my essay that I've been procrastinating on for a long time.
You know this whole getting over him this isn't really working out for me lol. It's like I dunno. It has its ups and downs. Like life. It's been pretty chill so far. He's busy. I'm busy. But when we do have time to text we text. Yeah, it's pretty chill right now. I know it won't be for long but I want to savor the good times and the chill times yah know? Yeah I still love him and all that. At times I wonder if my feelings for him are drifting away just because things are chill and that's obviously not the case. It's just means that we're comfortable with each other and that's good. You don't want to feel uncomfortable with someone that's close to you. If things are, then you two gotta work it out somehow. Being understanding is very important too. For example, if you know that the other person is really busy and isn't responding to your texts and you're freaking out about that, chill. That person will respond to you eventually. Besides, at least you're not being ignored and that the person actually will give you a part of their time for you. I mean, it's not much but it's something. Anyway, yeah chill man. Be understanding. Or maybe I'm just comfortable feeling that way towards him. Probably both. Oh yeah communication is key to any friendship and relationship. It goes in hand with being understanding. Being comfortable with someone means that both people are understanding and accepting of each other and honest (and by honest I mean being straight-forward and not ambiguous). That's just me though. Now, I've never been in a relationship before and so what I just said might not be considered legitimate but I've seen what my friends that are still in successful 3+ years of a relationship do and it's pretty much all that. But I have been friends with this guy for a while and at one point, I thought that our friendship was over. Like "I'm just gonna pretend that you don't exist" over because he did something that really hurt me. But yah know things happened, conversations, second chances, understanding each other, honesty, and now he's one of my best friends LOL. I didn't forgive him for what he did though. Let's just say that it really affected me physically and mentally. But what counts is that we're still friends to this day and I'm so happy and thankful that I decided to message him that one night. Or that one day that freaked the hell out of me. I mean it showed that he was really sorry. Knowing me, I can't ignore something like that because I overthink. Thanks God for that moment haha. He still considers me as one of his best friends but I dunno... I still feel like I'm not because I don't feel worthy enough. It's still one of the things I think about today. I have those times when I feel insecure about how much I mean to people. I mean, I know that my self worth shouldn't be based on how much you're worth to someone else but I have those thoughts at times. I'm human just like you. BUT a majority of the time I know I'm worth much more that someone's opinion of me. My perspective of myself is enough because it's what makes me feel respected and beautiful.
I have a headache now... I dunno why I've been getting headaches lately... Maybe it's the glasses? I dunno... Sleep? No... I took a nap in the afternoon after church. Well, technically after I walked home from the park. I was on the swing for 30 minutes and was so sore after I got off. I was walking weirdly. Like in small steps when I feel cute at times haha. But yeah I think I'm gonna get bruises on my arms and hips lol. Kinky thinking a bit there LOL. But it was worth it. I haven't been on a swing in a long time. I felt so innocent, happy, and free. It takes me back to the happier memories of my childhood when my dad would push me on the swings at the park that was near my house. I love going on the swings and obviously I still do. I know I'm gonna go back there after church every Sunday from now on.
My left ear hurts because of the left temple of my new glasses. I dunno why my right side doesn't hurt. Ugh I just touched the outer part of the top of my left ear and it's so sore...
I'm feeling a bit sick to the stomach now... I think I'll go and do some research for my essay and then try to come up with something tomorrow. It's due tomorrow too but I got an A on the first essay I rushed sooooo... yeah. College procrastination at its finest.
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