More about me pt.2

I'm working on part 3 because it's 101 questions LOL

Procrastinating again.

Distract not Destruct - betterthandarkchocolate

1. Honestly, what's on your mind now?
How I'm gonna sort out my assignments, papers, readings, projects, and homework. College.

2. Do you regret anything?
Yeah. Procrastinating my ass off. But we all do that so. Eh.

3. Are you mad at anyone?
Nope. Just salty.

4. Do you believe what goes around comes around?
Yeah. But I'll save the explanation for another post.

5. Do you find it easy to trust others?
No.

6. What are you listening to?
Nicki Minaj - Feelin Myself ft. Beyonce

7. Were you happier four months ago than you are now?
Damn right. So much change lately and I'm thankful for it.

8. What color is the shirt you are wearing?
White-ish gray

9. Do you have a secret that you've never told anyone?
Yeah. hehe

10. Do you think age matters in a relationship?
I mean if you wanna avoid going to jail in some scenarios then yeah it does.

11. Did you get any compliments today?
Yeup~ A friend of mine told me that I'm good at dancing and so does KDT <3

12. Do you own anything from other countries?
Kpop albums :3, some clothing from Spain

13. Picture of yourself?
Look at my profile pic lol

14. Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?
I get emotional and attached to people easily so no open-ended relationships for me. But if that's your thing then go ahead. You do you but don't do me.

15. What part of a person's body do you find most attractive?
I dunno. I don't really focus on a person's physical appearances. Uh I guess the jaw-neck-collarbone area. Whoops there goes my wandering mind :3

16. Do you cook?
Yes of course how else am I gonna survive college under a budget?

17. Random fact about yourself
My favorite color is green but I like to wear dark colors.

18. Is there one person you look at and automatically smile?
Yeup.

19. On average, how often do you read a book cover-to-cover?
I've been so busy lately, I don't have time to read :(

20. What are some commonly-used expressions that make you cringe when you hear them?
That "daddy, mommy" kink. I joke around with it with my friends but like... during sex? Nah. I don't wanna think about my parents while having sex. Still a virgin and probably gonna stay that way for the rest of my life because I'll be busy making money :)

21. What songs make you feel instantly happy?
K-POP <3

22. Is it easy to annoy you?
Nope. I'm pretty chill and understanding.

23. What are you looking forward to right now?
Eating lunch tomorrow. Or maybe a text or two.

24. Do you believe at love at first sight?
LOOOOOL no. I think that's really stupid. For me, I fall in love with someone when you get to know that person better after spending a lot of time with him. (This is so not me omfg. I normally would gag at stuff like this.)

25. Ask me anything?
Are you happy with yourself?

End it.

This is the reason why you shouldn't suppress emotions.

I'm really tired of this. It's a constant cycle. I always do this to myself. Reasons why I should avoid having feelings for people. I'm putting my hopes into something that won't ever happen. That's not healthy. I admitted to the thing I was "confused" about when I was messaging my friend in class. I was surpressing all of it because I didn't want to admit it. I was hoping that ignoring it would eventually make me forget about it. But it kept bothering me lately. So I was thinking, "Fuck it. Stop lying to yourself." and I admittted to it. Indirectly.

I'm a bit annoyed at one of my friends. We talked a bit before about the thing I was confused about and he said that it's too young for me to feel something like that. Well, excuse me. I'm sorry I feel that way. It's not my fault I feel that way to someone...

There was a lot of other things that were clouding up my mind. But there's so many I can't focus on one. I'll eventually remember one of them.

I should eat. I wish I was stressed about my classes more than feelings. But the roof of my apartment building is so nice. It's really cold up here but I'll stay a bit longer.

Migraine problems

So tired right now... I just copied a full page of notes for statistics because I have to review everything in order for me to do homework. I understand everything, but I forget some stuff so I have to re-write my notes on a separate notebook so that they're legible. I love math cuz it's like solving a complex puzzle but like eh I'm too lazy at times. Heh.

Ugh. I felt like I was gonna get a migraine a few seconds ago. Here's some tips if you ever get one:

-Go to a quiet area

-Put your head down and close your eyes

-Relax and try to stay there till the migraine passes

-Take a nap after. Your brain needs a break from that horrible experience.

When you get a migraine, you become sensitive to a lot of stimuli and being exposed to them can worsen it. That's why going to a quiet area and less exposure to light can help. It depends on how long the migraine lasts because it's different for everyone and different triggers occur when you know you're about to get a migraine. For example, when I drink a lot of caffeine, I get migraines. I know when I'll be getting one when I see a visual aura. It's called Scintillating scotoma and very common before getting a migraine.

Here's some more info about it: Scintillating scotoma

I should be a doctor someday. Lol. Maybe...

More about me

I'm procrastinating right now because I don't want to do my microbio homework. I found this questionnaire on tumblr and I felt like answering them just cuz.

I'm doing this because I'm bored and lame.... - kittylitterkids

1. Three things I want to say to three different people.

I only have $77 in my bank account. Tragic. I'm still one of your best friends right?

2. One of my insecurities.

My eczema. It makes my hands looks rough and scarred. 

3. What turns me on.

Intelligence and a good sense of humor. (and if you like K-pop)

4. One of my bad habits.

Procrastination. 

5. Who I wish I could be.

An amazing dancer with experience in every style and knows everything about the human body and mind.

6. Where I want to be right now.

In bed sleeping.

7. The last thing I ate.

Spamusubi.

8. Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately.

Me ;)

9. What song I’m currently listening to.

I'm not listening to anything right now.

10. The last time I cried and why.

I was worried about starving myself at college because I forget to eat sometimes and I'm really low on money because I had to buy a stupid calculator.

11. Something I’m excited about.

BTS'S COMEBACK BITCHES.

12. 5 things I like about myself and 5 things I dislike about myself.

I'm a very open-minded and understanding person, I like my body LOL, my friendly personality, my salty attitude, and my ability to adapt to new environments.

I hate how much I fucking procrastinate but eh it happens, how emotional I get, being indecisive, my forgetfulness, and my short-attention span.

13. Three things I want right now.

A taller chair, mac n cheese, and a hug from one of my best friends that's in Utah right now. I miss yah dewd.

14. Are you wearing a necklace, who got it for you, where’s it from?

Nope not wearing one. 

15. How long was your last phone conversation?

I think an hour and 30 minutes. 

16. What are you looking forward to?

Eating a dish with a lot of cheese on it. I love cheese. 

17. Did you get anything off your chest today?

Yeah. Kinda. 

18. How many rings do you usually wear?

None. 

19. Would you rather go to Canada or California on vacation?

Canada because I'm from California LOL.

20. Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants or pajama pants?

Shorts because I love the way these shorts embrace my butt and because my legs need to breath.

21. Do you call it fall or autumn?

Fall because it's shorter.

22. Are you an emotional person?

Yeah. A very emotional person. 

23. It’s 2 in the morning and you get a text message, who is it most likely from?

No one. I'd be the one sending a text message at 2AM hehe. Oh no wait one of my best friends. The one in Utah. You know what I mean if you're reading this. Yeah. Great memories. LOL

24. Do you like long car rides?

If I don't have the drastic urge to pee then yeah.

25. Do you have an adult you can talk to about anything?

Nope.

26. Last time you saw your dad?

A few days ago because he was dropping me off at my apartment with my mom.

27. Have you ever kissed someone in a vehicle?

LOOOOL no. Still a lip virgin.

28. Do you do your own laundry?

Yeah. It's pretty easy. I don't know how people mess up.

29. Would you like the ability to read minds?

Sure. It would make life a bit more interesting.

30. Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?

LOOOOOL This doesn't apply to me because I've never kissed anyone. 

31. You’re thinking about a certain person right now, aren’t you?

Yeah I am and I hate that. Stupid question.

32. What will you be doing in five years?

Hopefully starting nursing school.

34. Last 2 people to text you?

My friend Lisa and the group text thingy for my roommates and I.

35. Do you know what you want to be when you grow up?

Yeup. A nurse specialized in neuroscience because I think that mental health is very important to how a person lives his or her life. 

36. Do you like to cuddle?

LOL. Never done it, never will.

37. When angry, do you get loud or quiet?

Quiet. I'm used to holding in my emotions.

38. Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed on the lips?

LOOOOOL Never kissed anyone, never will. 

39. Have you ever had a best friend of the opposite sex?

Yeup. One in Milwaukee studying to become a doctor and the other in Utah doing Mormon stuff. 

40. How’s your hair right now?

Coiled up in a bun and held down with a giant hair clip.

Beautiful flaws and perfect contradictions

I saw an gif set of this anime on tumblr and it had a gif of roses. It inspired me to write this.

A rose. My favorite flower. I mean yeah it smells nice and looks pretty but there's more to it.

It's a beautiful flower. The rich pigmentation of color in crimson reds, bubble gum pinks, sunglow yellows, and lavender purples in the petals and strong sweet scent when it's in full bloom is what makes it so attractive, but the thorns are the flaw. But they are what make it so appealing to me.

A delicate flower with sharp thorns. Even beautiful things have their imperfections. Flaws intrigue me because they bring contradictions. Contradictions lead to connections.

Why does one thing have the other even though the two don't suit each other?

Well, there's a reason why. It could be an obvious, hidden, or none at all. It is what it is and sometimes you have to accept that.

I think it's wonderful that beauty has its imperfections because there's no such thing as perfect. I'm not perfect. You're not perfect. Everyone around you isn't perfect. It isn't possible unless if you're some god-like figure which no one is. Even if something seems so perfect, there must be a hidden fault somewhere. Because unless if you're God, there must be a tragic fault that makes you human like everyone else on this planet.

I love black roses. It looks like death but it's actually a living thing. See? Two different things are connected as one. Contradictions are fascinating.

WINNER trash and ARMY feels

I had an amazing K-pop morning omg. Great way to start my day~

MINOOO. I swear my biases are attacking me. First Bobby and now Mino.

Ok. Ok. Ok Mino, chill. Like dude. The first thing I listened to in the morning was a sex song. Waow. That woke me up with all the fangirling and the sexy beat. And you know in-the-shower, wet Mino. Well the MV was hot and wet. Literally wet with water everywhere and fire blazing, not sexually but yeah that works too :3

MINO - '몸(BODY)' M/V

BTS makin everything a damn theory. I swear this is like that one time in the EXO-L fandom back then when EXO fans were still called Exotics. Yeah, a long time ago. Early debut days. The third teaser with V omg. It even connects with the Danger MV and that was like a long time ago. Damn BTS how long has this been planned? But I love that. I love how everything connects and DAMN TAEHYUNG HIT THAT HIGH NOTE YES SO PROUD OF YOU BBY <3

[ENG SUB] BTS (방탄소년단) WINGS Short Film #3 STIGMA

Ah. K-pop. <3

iKON trash, Red Velvet aesthetic and a 2PM comeback

YES. K-pop. This is what I need lately. The Big 3 throwing all this on the fangirls and fanboys I ain't even complaining.

2PM's comeback. Yes Jun.K bae I'm so ready for this comeback. I missed 2PM so much omfg. They were thrown the JYP dungeon for so long and now they're back :3

Update: I JUST SAW NICHKHUN AND CHANSUNG'S TEASER PICS. YESSSSS. SO READY FOR THIS. So late to the game but at least I came. Can't wait for Junho and Wooyoung~

2PM's Taecyeon, Jun.K, Nichkhun, and Chansung teaser pics

Red Velvet and aesthetics. Aesthetics are a thing in SM right now. And I like it. It satisfies my aesthetic needs. Currently listening to their new MV and in love <3

Red Velvet 레드벨벳_러시안 룰렛 (Russian Roulette)_Music Video

UGH. BOBBY. MY BIAS IN IKON. Fangirling on the inside because I'm in the library now and I don't think people wanna see someone act crazy over a K-pop idol. The MV is lit. He dabbed. Shirtless Bobby. Beat is amazing. Bobby and his rap skillz. YG and their hip hop vibe.

BOBBY - '꽐라(HOLUP!)' M/V

Much love for all the dying fangirls and fanboys with the comebacks and new MVs. I'm not ready for SHINee's comeback. lol I'm never ready for their comebacks.

Love and relationships? Ew. Keep that away from me.

Been trying to add some type of playlist. I dunno. It looks really cool. I'll figure it out eventually.

Do you ever have that moment where you're listening to music and the song somehow fits in with your situation. Coincidence? Fate? I don't know. Whatever you want to call it. I have a love/hate relationship with it.

I think relationships for me are pointless, as in romantic relationships. Now this doesn't mean that people in a relationship around me are bad. I think it's wonderful that these people love each other. Love for me personally is not my thing.

I can explain. I've never had a good experience with the guys I liked. Broken heart after broken heart. I'm sick and tired of it. I can love but not romantically. There's more to life than love for someone for my lifestyle. It just doesn't work out for me.

See, I'm such a contradiction it's weird. It makes sense to me at least.

I'm going through some emotional times. At times, I want to ask God why he gave me the ability to like someone. It's that bad. I'm confused, I woke up today bothered by what happened yesterday. I don't want to love someone romantically. It hurts a lot. I can live life without that feeling. I'd be so productive and happy.

Right now, I wanna rip out my heart and throw it away. Because of those feelings, I've been played, treated as if I don't exist, lied to, and used. See, romantic love is stupid. If you love someone like that, then good for you. I'm happy for you, really.  Romantic love can go to hell for me.

Reasons why I'm K-pop trash

Lowkey fangirling a bit because BTS and their teaser for their new album. Ugh it's gon be lit I swear.

Aside from that, I've been thinking about how I've grown so much as a person it's amazing. Back then in middle school, I was really depressed. To the point where I wanted to give up on life. Not gonna write in detail because my past self was really dark and disturbing but yeah it was lonely and depressing. And then K-pop came into my life.

Ok, I really hate people that talk shit about it. It pisses me off. Like really dude, shut up. If something makes someone happy, then let that person be happy. Don't ruin someone's happiness just because you're a little prick about it. 

Haha I was being a bit salty there. Anyway, once K-pop came into my life, it changed for the better. I'm so blessed I was introduced to it. I met so many friends through K-pop because it really does bring people together. It's amazing how this genre of music is so popular worldwide even though a majority of us fans can't understand the language. Music has no language. Classical music doesn't even have a language!!! It's a bunch of notes and yet people love it. (Like me hehe I love Chopin's nocturnes). And yeah hehe.

I started dancing through K-pop because it looked so cool to dance like that. Dancing heh. KDT too. Man good times. I miss them <3 I love my second family so much. When I was giving my senior speech at the end of the year picnic, I cried a lot. (I made everyone cry too because I was crying heh. The love we have for each other is real.) KDT taught me how to feel beautiful. Before, I couldn't imagine myself dancing in front of people. I had social anxiety. Now you see me dancing everywhere in public with my earbuds in like some idiot. But you know what? I don't care. Well a majority of the time.

Once you stop caring about what people think about you, life is great. As long as you know that you have people that love you for who you are, you'll be fine. Because of K-pop, I came to love myself and the people around me. Well. There are some people I don't like but you can't be friends with everyone.

Kinda lost on this site but eh i'll figure it out

To start off, I should be working on my homework right now but eh, my classes are pretty easy (but I have a paper rough draft due in 3 days. Oops). I decided to start this blog thing because I think it'll help me sort out my confusion at times. I vent to one of my best friends a lot and it really helps me sort out my thoughts and piece them together. Like a puzzle. So I'm here. Um...I really don't know how often I'll update hehe. I'm forgetful.

I'll do my introduction here. Adding onto what I put on my profile, I'm normally a chill and happy person. Normally. K-pop takes up a majority of my life. Just sayin... Bias group: SHINee (shiny) yeah I know it's a stupid name for a group but there's worse out there. Trust me. KDT (Korean Dance Team) is like my second family. Go check us out on facebook. We're kewls :3 Currently in San Francisco and going to SFSU for my undergrad stuff. College. It's an interesting experience let's say that. Besides K-pop, I like hip-hop and R&B. Anything with a good hip hop feel I'll probably get interested in it. And some others genres with some interest in it.

My main aesthetic is sunlight. Feeling happiness is like feeling the sunlight on your body. It's warm, welcoming, and safe. Sounds like something people would describe me as hehe. But there's the shadow that follows when there's sunlight. And that's where the whole "contradiction" thing comes in. The shadow is my other aesthetic. Sometimes it frightens me. It's mysterious, depressing, and alluring. People that I'm close to know both sides of me. All that is me heh. It's weird I know but that's just me. I like to think of it as being open-minded.

There's plenty more but I'm too lazy to mention it and I have to do laundry. I'll start on homework tomorrow. I have a lot to do but oh well. I can do it.