I want to type out all of these bad thoughts, hoping that things will be better for me. But realistically, it won't.
What if he forgot that I wanted to hang out with him because he's so busy? And then when he goes back to college, he'll tell me that he's sorry for forgetting. And then I'll tell him that it's ok because he's busy.
It's ok. I'm not worth anyone's time anyway.
He'll think that it's weird that I really want to spend time with him and not other people. Well I mean, he goes to school out-of-state. So I can't really hangout with him. Almost all of my friends are in California so I can schedule a day to hang out with them any day of the weekend if they have some time. With him, it's every break but right now, I think the last time I saw him is the last time I'll ever see him.
It's ok... I guess...
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Am I greedy for wanting to spend time with him? Is it weird? I dunno...Whatever. I won't be able to anyway and it's not like he'll ever read these posts. He probably forgot about my blog anyway.
Tuesday, December 27, 2016
Conflicting Personality
I think that walking in the morning and the afternoon helps with my depression. I dunno... something about the sun makes me feel happier. But that doesn't really help because at night, it comes back.
I feel like I'm gonna get a sore throat later on.
I'm afraid that the more I spill out my depressing thoughts on this blog, the more depressed I'll be because I don't have anyone to talk to about them. I'm too depressing of a person.
I don't think I'll be able to hang out with my friend anymore. He's too busy so yeah... I really wanted to hang out with him because I really miss him but he's busy... It's fine... He said that we can hang out sometime this week but I honestly don't think he will...
It's ok. He has better things to do anyway.
Something about this blog also gives me comfort but in a depressing way because it's the only way I can vent. There's only one person right now that knows that I'm depressed af.
There are some days where I be someone that's happy-go-lucky. Then some days I feel lonely and depressed. But I noticed that when I'm with people, I feel cheerful. When I'm alone at night, I feel lonely and depressed. Am I crazy? I don't know... It's weird to me that I can be someone that be so happy around people but by myself, I can be so depressing, it even scares me. It's as if my personality changes drastically when I'm with someone or a group of people.
I feel like I'm gonna get a sore throat later on.
I'm afraid that the more I spill out my depressing thoughts on this blog, the more depressed I'll be because I don't have anyone to talk to about them. I'm too depressing of a person.
I don't think I'll be able to hang out with my friend anymore. He's too busy so yeah... I really wanted to hang out with him because I really miss him but he's busy... It's fine... He said that we can hang out sometime this week but I honestly don't think he will...
It's ok. He has better things to do anyway.
Something about this blog also gives me comfort but in a depressing way because it's the only way I can vent. There's only one person right now that knows that I'm depressed af.
There are some days where I be someone that's happy-go-lucky. Then some days I feel lonely and depressed. But I noticed that when I'm with people, I feel cheerful. When I'm alone at night, I feel lonely and depressed. Am I crazy? I don't know... It's weird to me that I can be someone that be so happy around people but by myself, I can be so depressing, it even scares me. It's as if my personality changes drastically when I'm with someone or a group of people.
Lonely Holidays
The holidays feel lonelier and lonelier as I get older. Maybe I should've stayed in San Francisco. At least I'd be feeling lonely on my own than being lonely with a group of people. I don't know... feeling lonely by yourself feels better than feeling with a group of people. With a group of people, you feel out of place, as if you don't belong.
I think this blog is mainly for my dark thoughts. Mainly. It's been pretty dark lately and I guess it fits in with the black and white aesthetic of my blog. I'm not so sure about the white part or the "good vibes". Not many good vibes lately.
I don't think I'll be able to hang out with my friend from Utah. I really miss him (I still need to wrap his gift and write his letter) but he's been busy lately so I'm not sure that we'll be able to see each other.
It's ok. He came to visit to relax and be happy instead of doing depressing stuff like hang out with me. If anything, we can talk and hang out the next time he visits....
Whatever... He has better things to do than hang out with me.
Monday, December 26, 2016
It's easier said than done.
You can tell me to think positively but it's so hard to force yourself. Especially when it's difficult to convince yourself when you're so used to thinking negatively and life has been going downhill lately. It's really easy for me to go back to my depressed self since I'm really emotional and I overthink easily, especially when things happen that I have no control over.
My headache is gone but I think it's gonna come back later.
I'm still apologetic to my friend. I'm really sorry that I put you in a depressing mood. I really am. I feel bad for putting you in a bad mood when you wanted to be happy. I'm sorry.
My headache is gone but I think it's gonna come back later.
I'm still apologetic to my friend. I'm really sorry that I put you in a depressing mood. I really am. I feel bad for putting you in a bad mood when you wanted to be happy. I'm sorry.
Saturday, December 24, 2016
It does bad things to you.
** This post contains topics about suicide and depression. **
I really hate it when people think that suicide is a selfish action. It's just... the way I think of it since I've thought about it before, people that are suicidal think that without their existence, then life would be better for others. Or it could be that life in their perspective is so overwhelming, frustrating, and depressing, suicide is their only option to stop it because they're too scared to ask for help.
I'm sorry to my friend for being a pessimistic ass. Times have been difficult for me lately. I'm sorry for ruining your happy mood. I just think that I always bother you and yeah...
It was bad. I was listening to Awake by BTS's Jin and all the thoughts blew up into something scary and dark. I'm always going to be lonely no matter what. And by that I mean the feeling of loneliness. People come and go and no one ever stays. No one ever will want to put in the effort to keep you in their lives. I tried and it's difficult and hurts a lot, especially if the people you want to keep in your life don't want to stay.
It sucks when you're scared to ask for help when you're depressed. I don't want to bother anyone else with my problems so I might as well keep it to myself so that I won't make others feel depressed. I'm sorry if I did that to some people. I know I did to one person and again, I'm sorry.
It's scary to think about how I would commit suicide again. But, I promised myself that I would never kill myself back then when I got over being depressed for four years for a bit. Suicide is too far for me. I don't cut myself because it'll leave scars and people will be able to see them. Instead, I bruise myself by punching myself in the arms or legs. I could just say that I fell or I accidentally hit something. But when that suicidal scenario came up, I pictured myself up on the rooftop of my apartment building crying. Then I went to my bed and slit my right wrist vertically and let the blood drip until I felt dizzy and was unconscious. One of my roommates would find me with a significant amount of blood loss with the pool of blood that stained my clothes and blankets and then I'd end up waking up in a hospital. Then my dad goes up to me and says that I'm crazy for doing that and that hospital bills are going to be hard to pay for. That'd hurt me so much if he ever did that but in that scenario, I looked for something sharp like a scalpel and stabbed my chest with it. Yeah... it's dark and depressing.
Loneliness does bad things to you.
Thursday, December 22, 2016
Much thanks to Life for the early Christmas gift.
I found out that my gpa is a 2.26. Yikes. Time to be a stripper and lowkey give up on my future.
I dunno. I feel like I've been getting more and more depressed ever since I started college. Or it could be that I'm not smart.
And now there's friend drama with a close friend of mine and it's slowly getting heated. And I don't know if we're gonna talk again because of my pessimistic ass right now.
Thanks a lot life. I'm feeling the holiday spirit.
Sunday, December 18, 2016
College. You learn a lot about yourself.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dnc5gubAtHU
This video really got to me. I mean, I have accepted myself for who I am and it made me a happier person. I felt as peace with myself. But somehow it just got to me and it made me think about the things in my life that still hurt me. I've been in bad vibes lately.
I am terrified about how successful I'll be in the future. I'm failing two classes because I was struggling to keep up with those classes and History, English, and Microbio as my priorities. History and English, I'm really good with words and analyzing things. Microbio, I'm really interested in medical terminology. That's why I was considering becoming a doctor after I found out how fascinated I am with medicine. The human body is amazing. Even today, we still don't know everything about it. There's so much to discover, help people, and makes their lives better. I want to be someone that can change their lives for the best. With a physical and or mental illness, it can change your life temporarily or permanently. Sometimes in a life or death situation. I want to help give people hope about life. The idea that doctors also have this god-like figure to them. You have the power to heal but also have the knowledge of how to kill. To me, that's amazing. Now, my purpose of becoming a doctor isn't to have that god-like image. Or honestly, the purpose of being a doctor is to protect the life of a human being health-wise which is something that everyone needs in my perspective. Your health is what keeps you alive to experience life and its meaning to how you interpret it.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Wow. I can't believe I found it. My purpose in life.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Anyway, that's why I want to be a doctor. Back to why I'm scared of my future.
So my family has a strong background in the medical field. My uncles, aunts, and cousins, are doctors, surgeons, nurses, pharmacists and dentists. I guess being in the medical field runs in my blood. I honestly want to be in the medical field. It's just that everyone has been through and is going through education so quickly, I feel the need to take as many classes as I can get and finish school as fast as possible. I thought that I could handle all that but I can't. I'm not good with stress, especially since I'm an emotional person. Stress is difficult for me to deal with and I don't have a lot of time to actually destress because I either spend my time eating, studying, or sleeping. Most of the time I sleep because I can't function without sleep. I can pull only one all-nighter and then I spend the next day recovering by sleeping. My diet sucks too. I'm a broke-ass college student. I buy a hugeass box of nachos for $8 and it can feed me for a whole day and I buy that pretty often. That's how bad my diet is and my face has been breaking out because of that. Also, my eczema has been pretty bad the days I'm on the verge of breaking down and crying. Some days I do. It's relieving afterwards but I also feel so tired from crying so much. The eczema I have is hereditary and I got it from my dad. It flares up if I eat a lot of chocolate or if I'm really stressed about something so then I use this strong steroid cream to kill the itch feeling. I'm really self-conscious about my hands because they're so scarred from my eczema. I mean there is the option to not itch obviously but it's a really strong urge if you have it.
The pressure from my medical-focused family and my dad especially stress me out. My dad is the main reason why I just feel like shit at times. It's a parent thing where they just compare you to people that are just better than you and then you end up like complete shit. That's a major reason why I chose to go to SFSU than SJSU that's actually closer to my hometown. I couldn't handle anymore of my dad restricting me and telling me what he thinks is best for me instead of letting me do what I think is best for me. And sometimes his last-minute plans are the reason why I have to stay up late and then feel like a rotting potato the next day. Sometimes, he takes me to events where it's like there's no purpose in me going. It's so frustrating.
Back to the comparing thing parents do, my dad keeps comparing me to my cousin that goes to UC Berkeley. Yeup Berkeley. I love my cousin. She's my favorite cousin and I never felt any hate towards her even when my dad would constantly compare me to her. Because honestly, my dad just exaggerates how "perfect" she is. I told her about how my dad compared me to her and she said that her mom (my aunt) also does the same even though she's an only child. She would be compared to her friends and it mentally messed her up. So we both understood each other and I finally saw the dark side of my "perfect" cousin that graduated in the top 5% of her class in high school.
Also, money. I feel terrible about the fact that I'm wasting my parents' money and to end up with me failing two of my classes my first semester. Honestly, I didn't know my limits till now. I guess it's better that I know my limits now than later. I'm surprised I didn't realize it in high school. With my most difficult classes like AP and honors classes, I barely passed them (well I was going through some emotional stuff too so that added on to the stuff I dealt with). I guess I was too ambitious and I thought that I could handle it but it's honestly a lot for me. Now, I know how much I can deal with. If you can handle 5 or more classes, then #1 Wow that's amazing. and #2 How are you not dead yet? Maybe you had to give up multiple aspects of life such as sleep and or a social life but you do you boo. Just don't end up in the hospital because you lost consciousness from a lack of sleep and a poor diet. Hospital bills are expensive af plus education these days is too.
Some days I feel like a bad friend. Bothering people with how needy I am and my emotions. At times I'm scared to vent because I'm worried that they're annoyed with me. That's how I felt when I was really depressed back then.
There are those days when I feel like I'm falling back in depression. I don't know. I'm just not good with emotional stress. I can't keep those emotions in the back of my head. It's so overwhelming, I wish I could stop feeling emotions. It could help me focus on my academics.
Well it's been a long thought-provoking night. I hope the nails on my left hand are dry because I just coated them with a lot of clear coat. I have church at 10AM and I hope I make it on time. I noticed that I digress a lot but that's ok. It's good to get your thoughts out, especially for me since I have a lot of them. I overthink. I really hate it. But it's who I am so that's that.
This video really got to me. I mean, I have accepted myself for who I am and it made me a happier person. I felt as peace with myself. But somehow it just got to me and it made me think about the things in my life that still hurt me. I've been in bad vibes lately.
I am terrified about how successful I'll be in the future. I'm failing two classes because I was struggling to keep up with those classes and History, English, and Microbio as my priorities. History and English, I'm really good with words and analyzing things. Microbio, I'm really interested in medical terminology. That's why I was considering becoming a doctor after I found out how fascinated I am with medicine. The human body is amazing. Even today, we still don't know everything about it. There's so much to discover, help people, and makes their lives better. I want to be someone that can change their lives for the best. With a physical and or mental illness, it can change your life temporarily or permanently. Sometimes in a life or death situation. I want to help give people hope about life. The idea that doctors also have this god-like figure to them. You have the power to heal but also have the knowledge of how to kill. To me, that's amazing. Now, my purpose of becoming a doctor isn't to have that god-like image. Or honestly, the purpose of being a doctor is to protect the life of a human being health-wise which is something that everyone needs in my perspective. Your health is what keeps you alive to experience life and its meaning to how you interpret it.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Wow. I can't believe I found it. My purpose in life.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Anyway, that's why I want to be a doctor. Back to why I'm scared of my future.
So my family has a strong background in the medical field. My uncles, aunts, and cousins, are doctors, surgeons, nurses, pharmacists and dentists. I guess being in the medical field runs in my blood. I honestly want to be in the medical field. It's just that everyone has been through and is going through education so quickly, I feel the need to take as many classes as I can get and finish school as fast as possible. I thought that I could handle all that but I can't. I'm not good with stress, especially since I'm an emotional person. Stress is difficult for me to deal with and I don't have a lot of time to actually destress because I either spend my time eating, studying, or sleeping. Most of the time I sleep because I can't function without sleep. I can pull only one all-nighter and then I spend the next day recovering by sleeping. My diet sucks too. I'm a broke-ass college student. I buy a hugeass box of nachos for $8 and it can feed me for a whole day and I buy that pretty often. That's how bad my diet is and my face has been breaking out because of that. Also, my eczema has been pretty bad the days I'm on the verge of breaking down and crying. Some days I do. It's relieving afterwards but I also feel so tired from crying so much. The eczema I have is hereditary and I got it from my dad. It flares up if I eat a lot of chocolate or if I'm really stressed about something so then I use this strong steroid cream to kill the itch feeling. I'm really self-conscious about my hands because they're so scarred from my eczema. I mean there is the option to not itch obviously but it's a really strong urge if you have it.
The pressure from my medical-focused family and my dad especially stress me out. My dad is the main reason why I just feel like shit at times. It's a parent thing where they just compare you to people that are just better than you and then you end up like complete shit. That's a major reason why I chose to go to SFSU than SJSU that's actually closer to my hometown. I couldn't handle anymore of my dad restricting me and telling me what he thinks is best for me instead of letting me do what I think is best for me. And sometimes his last-minute plans are the reason why I have to stay up late and then feel like a rotting potato the next day. Sometimes, he takes me to events where it's like there's no purpose in me going. It's so frustrating.
Back to the comparing thing parents do, my dad keeps comparing me to my cousin that goes to UC Berkeley. Yeup Berkeley. I love my cousin. She's my favorite cousin and I never felt any hate towards her even when my dad would constantly compare me to her. Because honestly, my dad just exaggerates how "perfect" she is. I told her about how my dad compared me to her and she said that her mom (my aunt) also does the same even though she's an only child. She would be compared to her friends and it mentally messed her up. So we both understood each other and I finally saw the dark side of my "perfect" cousin that graduated in the top 5% of her class in high school.
Also, money. I feel terrible about the fact that I'm wasting my parents' money and to end up with me failing two of my classes my first semester. Honestly, I didn't know my limits till now. I guess it's better that I know my limits now than later. I'm surprised I didn't realize it in high school. With my most difficult classes like AP and honors classes, I barely passed them (well I was going through some emotional stuff too so that added on to the stuff I dealt with). I guess I was too ambitious and I thought that I could handle it but it's honestly a lot for me. Now, I know how much I can deal with. If you can handle 5 or more classes, then #1 Wow that's amazing. and #2 How are you not dead yet? Maybe you had to give up multiple aspects of life such as sleep and or a social life but you do you boo. Just don't end up in the hospital because you lost consciousness from a lack of sleep and a poor diet. Hospital bills are expensive af plus education these days is too.
Some days I feel like a bad friend. Bothering people with how needy I am and my emotions. At times I'm scared to vent because I'm worried that they're annoyed with me. That's how I felt when I was really depressed back then.
There are those days when I feel like I'm falling back in depression. I don't know. I'm just not good with emotional stress. I can't keep those emotions in the back of my head. It's so overwhelming, I wish I could stop feeling emotions. It could help me focus on my academics.
Well it's been a long thought-provoking night. I hope the nails on my left hand are dry because I just coated them with a lot of clear coat. I have church at 10AM and I hope I make it on time. I noticed that I digress a lot but that's ok. It's good to get your thoughts out, especially for me since I have a lot of them. I overthink. I really hate it. But it's who I am so that's that.
Saturday, November 26, 2016
Same.
Okay this isn't good...
I'm so sorry for this. I swear I didn't drink any alcohol today.
It's been really difficult for me lately to look forward to anything in life. A month or a bit more into college and it feels like I lost a part of who I am. I haven't been passionate about anything. Not even looking forward to meeting up with friends, late assignments, and especially kpop and dancing and you know how much kpop and dancing means to me. They're the reasons why I got out of my depression. Sometimes I wonder if I'm having a relapse and I'm slowly falling back. Honestly, this feels like shit. This feels different from the time when I was depressed because I felt lonely and started degrading myself. I know I have people that love and care about me, but I feel empty.
I lost my desire to love. And because of that, I lost the passion that kept me looking forward to whatever happens in life.
It's been really difficult for me lately to look forward to anything in life. A month or a bit more into college and it feels like I lost a part of who I am. I haven't been passionate about anything. Not even looking forward to meeting up with friends, late assignments, and especially kpop and dancing and you know how much kpop and dancing means to me. They're the reasons why I got out of my depression. Sometimes I wonder if I'm having a relapse and I'm slowly falling back. Honestly, this feels like shit. This feels different from the time when I was depressed because I felt lonely and started degrading myself. I know I have people that love and care about me, but I feel empty.
I lost my desire to love. And because of that, I lost the passion that kept me looking forward to whatever happens in life.
Friday, November 25, 2016
Is it me or am I starting to give up on life?
I'm really serious about this.
For a while, I've been starting to have a hard time finding passion in anything worth doing. It's so difficult for me to be scared about anything honestly. A month into college and I started not caring about anything. There have been some good times and bad times but, I don't know.
I'm scared. I'm not motivated to do anything. Nothing so far has mentally stimulated me to do anything.
I feel dead on the inside.
My dad asked me to write an essay about why I want to be a doctor. I want to but... I don't have the reason known to me why I want to. Maybe I just don't know yet but right now, I have nothing.
This scares me. Normally, I'm passionate in what and who I love. It's as if a part of me is gone and now I have to find it.
I want something to spark that passion in me.
I want to look forward to something,
I want something that will make me feel excited and happy and passionate about life.
Because I feel dead on the inside.
Sunday, November 20, 2016
Distractions
Tumblr gives me a lot of sad feels at night. That's why I haven't been concentrating well lately.
Monday, November 14, 2016
Escape
I want to go back on the swing and pretend that my problems don't exist.
I want to feel that small moment of bliss
Before I feel my feet land on the dirty ground
Before I feel my legs trembling from sitting on the tiny black band of plastic
Before I feel my wrists and arms sore from clinging onto the rusty chains
Before I feel the lonely breeze of city
So I'll know that such a feeling exists in this world.
Sunday, November 13, 2016
More about me pt. 6
Woot Woot. Back with another tumblr questionnnaire because I'm bored af. I'll work on my microbio hw after this because I need to get my life together...
ASK GAME - benaddictmindpalace
1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.
1. SISTAR - Give It To Me
2. G-Dragon - R.O.D
3. SHINee - Kiss Yo
4. SHINee - Note
5. Jonghyun (SHINee) - You Are My Lady (cover)
6. B.A.P. - 1004 (Angel)
2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
SHINee even though there's five people in SHINee LOL
3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 64, give me line 14.
It's my sister's French textbook LOL. Too lazy to ask my sister to translate it.
4) What do you think about the most?
How I'm gonna maintain my food budget, getting into the pre-med program at sfsu, this guy that I like.
5) What was the last lie you told?
I just woke up.
6) Do you believe in karma?
Yeup.
7) Do you have any irrational fears?
I really hate things that squirm and I get scared of the dark once in a while.
8) What sexuality do you identify as?
Straight.
9) How can I win your heart?
Mentally stimulate me. Make me laugh, tell me stories, talk to me about your opinions. Just make me smile whenever I see you.
10) What is something you want in your life right now?
Well, right now I feel as if things are slowly breaking apart between one of my best friends and I. Something happened and I reacted really petty and jealous. So then I asked him if we could talk about it when he comes back to California. Yeah... I really hope that we don't end up not being friends again... I really don't want that to happen but I don't know how he feels about this right now... Right now, I want a hug from him knowing that everything will be alright.
11) Do you get distracted easily?
OMFG YEAH I HATE IT. I'm just fascinated with a lot of things.
12) Favorite color to wear?
Black. You can't go wrong with the color black.
13) What traits in people make you angry?
When you dehumanize another human being, being ignorant, using others for selfish needs, just a few lol.
14) Are you a country person or a city person?
I'm a city person. I live for excitement and change. I can't do that in the country.
15) Favorite female character?
Wonder Woman~ I was so into reading her earlier comics when I was in elementary school because there weren't that many female heroes that I could relate to. My dad's friend gave me a collection of Wonder Woman's earlier comics and I fell in love with how amazing she is being an independent woman. And so I kept reading those comics over and over again.
16) Favorite male character?
Spiderman~ Another childhood fav :3 I grew up watching the Spiderman trilogy with Tobey Maguire as Spiderman. I dunno lol. I guess I'm biased to him because I grew up around him LOL
My dad's favorite superhero is Spiderman so I guess he influenced me to liking Spiderman LOOOOOL
17) What would your theme song be?
I asked three of my friends and this is what I got:
31) To you, what is the meaning of life?
I think the meaning of life to me is to discover who you are as a person. When you finally find yourself, you'll be able to accept yourself, become at peace with yourself, and find happiness within yourself.
32) What is your astrological sign?
Gemini~
33) Love or lust?
Love.
34) All's fair love and war?
No. You have to consider the ones that are sacrificed because of love and war.
35) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?
This is so narcissistic of me but yeah LOL
36) If you could have a super power, what would it be?
To be invisible~ Free rides and access to so many places :3
37) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?
Any song that KDT perfomed to when I was an active member. KDT always gave me great memories <3
38) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?
I think there's a similar question that I answered earlier from my other questionnaires. I forgot LOL have fun finding it~
39) What is the single best life decision you have made so far?
Joining KDT~ KDT helped me grow as a person and I would never trade any experience for my KDT days.
40) What is your current desktop picture?
SHINee <3
41) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
I'm gonna be honest. I'm not gonna erase that time when I was really depressed and suicidal. It really opened my eyes to become a more understanding person. I want to erase moment I started liking one of my friends because it traumatized me. I'm scared to like someone. I'm scared to open myself to someone because I'm scared that I'll get hurt again. I've been hurt so many times because of my feelings for people. And I can't forget how devastating it was. I felt worthless. I really didn't expect him to do that to me. It still makes me cry when I think about it. I'm in tears right now. It still hurts. I don't know what will happen when we finally get to talk about it. I know I'll be crying, that's for sure.
42) Do you want to travel? Where to?
Yes I want to travel~ I wanna travel to the Philippines, Japan, and South Korea.
43) How's the relationship with your parents?
It's ok.
44) What is your aspiration in life?
To be happy.
45) What do you want to be remembered for?
As someone that made his or her life a bit more interesting.
ASK GAME - benaddictmindpalace
1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.
1. SISTAR - Give It To Me
2. G-Dragon - R.O.D
3. SHINee - Kiss Yo
4. SHINee - Note
5. Jonghyun (SHINee) - You Are My Lady (cover)
6. B.A.P. - 1004 (Angel)
2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
SHINee even though there's five people in SHINee LOL
3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 64, give me line 14.
It's my sister's French textbook LOL. Too lazy to ask my sister to translate it.
4) What do you think about the most?
How I'm gonna maintain my food budget, getting into the pre-med program at sfsu, this guy that I like.
5) What was the last lie you told?
I just woke up.
6) Do you believe in karma?
Yeup.
7) Do you have any irrational fears?
I really hate things that squirm and I get scared of the dark once in a while.
8) What sexuality do you identify as?
Straight.
9) How can I win your heart?
Mentally stimulate me. Make me laugh, tell me stories, talk to me about your opinions. Just make me smile whenever I see you.
10) What is something you want in your life right now?
Well, right now I feel as if things are slowly breaking apart between one of my best friends and I. Something happened and I reacted really petty and jealous. So then I asked him if we could talk about it when he comes back to California. Yeah... I really hope that we don't end up not being friends again... I really don't want that to happen but I don't know how he feels about this right now... Right now, I want a hug from him knowing that everything will be alright.
11) Do you get distracted easily?
OMFG YEAH I HATE IT. I'm just fascinated with a lot of things.
12) Favorite color to wear?
Black. You can't go wrong with the color black.
13) What traits in people make you angry?
When you dehumanize another human being, being ignorant, using others for selfish needs, just a few lol.
14) Are you a country person or a city person?
I'm a city person. I live for excitement and change. I can't do that in the country.
15) Favorite female character?
Wonder Woman~ I was so into reading her earlier comics when I was in elementary school because there weren't that many female heroes that I could relate to. My dad's friend gave me a collection of Wonder Woman's earlier comics and I fell in love with how amazing she is being an independent woman. And so I kept reading those comics over and over again.
16) Favorite male character?
Spiderman~ Another childhood fav :3 I grew up watching the Spiderman trilogy with Tobey Maguire as Spiderman. I dunno lol. I guess I'm biased to him because I grew up around him LOL
My dad's favorite superhero is Spiderman so I guess he influenced me to liking Spiderman LOOOOOL
17) What would your theme song be?
I asked three of my friends and this is what I got:
1# CL - Lifted
Because my head is always in the clouds~
Because one of my best friends remembers that I would listen to this song to help me sleep. (omg the lyrics to this song imma cry ;__;)
Because she said that it kinda fits me LOL (the lyrics are sooo cute :3)
He's really into Watsky lately lol (Same I'm fucking broke too LOL)
Ah. My fav KDT song hehe. He said that anything from KDT describes me lol KDT does a lot of girl dances I love it hehe. I found my sexual, cute, feminine side with KDT ;) The song is about a girl wanting another round of sex because the guy didn't last that long LOOOOOOL
18) Do you have an unpopular opinion?
Um. Not at the moment. I knew what it was a while back but I forgot what it was LOL
19) What is your greatest weakness? Your greatest strength?
Weakness: I get distracted easily or I overthink LOL
Strength: I am a caring person. Like forreals. I give a lot of fucks for the people that I love.
20) Do you have a collection of anything?
Origami paper LOL I use it anyway though.
21) What words do you live by?
Something is better than nothing.
22) If you had a chance to have a conversation with your idol, what would you say?
I dunno. I'd be too busy worried about my level of fangirling LOL
23) Do you play an instrument?
I sing LOL but not professionally.
24) Last film/TV show you saw that made you cry?
The 2016 US election.
25) What was the first movie you watched in the cinema? If you don't remember that, what was the last?
I think the first movie I saw in a cinema was either a Disney or a Harry Potter movie. The last one was Suicide Squad.
26) Describe yourself with one word.
Contradiction.
27) Why did you join tumblr?
Because I was curious about what people do on tumblr.
28) If you could go and see any famous landmark, which would it be?
The Eiffel Tower so I can go up and see all the tiny people from the top.
29) What's your biggest "what if"?
What if I didn't have romantic feelings for people?
30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm?
For both, that indent in the middle of the arm that's behind the elbow. I'm too lazy to look up what it is LOL
31) To you, what is the meaning of life?
I think the meaning of life to me is to discover who you are as a person. When you finally find yourself, you'll be able to accept yourself, become at peace with yourself, and find happiness within yourself.
32) What is your astrological sign?
Gemini~
33) Love or lust?
Love.
34) All's fair love and war?
No. You have to consider the ones that are sacrificed because of love and war.
35) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?
This is so narcissistic of me but yeah LOL
36) If you could have a super power, what would it be?
To be invisible~ Free rides and access to so many places :3
37) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?
Any song that KDT perfomed to when I was an active member. KDT always gave me great memories <3
38) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?
I think there's a similar question that I answered earlier from my other questionnaires. I forgot LOL have fun finding it~
39) What is the single best life decision you have made so far?
Joining KDT~ KDT helped me grow as a person and I would never trade any experience for my KDT days.
40) What is your current desktop picture?
SHINee <3
41) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
I'm gonna be honest. I'm not gonna erase that time when I was really depressed and suicidal. It really opened my eyes to become a more understanding person. I want to erase moment I started liking one of my friends because it traumatized me. I'm scared to like someone. I'm scared to open myself to someone because I'm scared that I'll get hurt again. I've been hurt so many times because of my feelings for people. And I can't forget how devastating it was. I felt worthless. I really didn't expect him to do that to me. It still makes me cry when I think about it. I'm in tears right now. It still hurts. I don't know what will happen when we finally get to talk about it. I know I'll be crying, that's for sure.
42) Do you want to travel? Where to?
Yes I want to travel~ I wanna travel to the Philippines, Japan, and South Korea.
43) How's the relationship with your parents?
It's ok.
44) What is your aspiration in life?
To be happy.
45) What do you want to be remembered for?
As someone that made his or her life a bit more interesting.
Wednesday, November 9, 2016
Maybe...
I don't know why. But I stopped caring about a lot of things. It's strange. I do have goals in life. I want to become a surgeon because I want to do more to help people. I want to help save lives. But as a surgeon, it's a matter of life or death. I'm not even terrified about the fact that I failed a majority of my midterms the past two months and the semester ending soon.
I want to stress out about homework. I want to stress out about failing my classes. I want to stress out about turning in my essays and projects late and unfinished. I want to stress out about something.
But I can't. Because I stopped caring. I want to but I can't and it frustrates me so much.
I stopped caring about so many things that should be important to me but I somehow can't panic or stress about them.
Maybe the amount stress from the first semester of my senior year in high school was so much, it lead me to stop caring about a lot of things.
Maybe it was the stress from my boy problem the second semester of senior year in high school. I didn't sleep or eat well at that time and it was honestly a traumatic experience.
Maybe because I gave up on love because it gave up on me. Not through family or friends but with people that I liked and the guy I have feelings for now. Because I don't want to love, I stopped caring.
At this point in life, I'm probably used to feeling disappointment because it happens so often. The mental stress from last year killed me. I don't want to love the way I feel about this guy that I like.
Maybe it's because I don't want to love.
Or maybe I'm denying it. Maybe I want to love but I'm scared to openly admit it because I don't want to get hurt again.
It'll be difficult for me to open up again.
I'm a whole mess of emotions now. Trump is president. I'm really tired but there's so much that I have to do and all my unfinished tasks and I don't want to disappoint my dance team because I'm co-coordinator and I'm tearing up now.
See, I'm stressing out. This is good. Not for my acne though lol.
But I want to love someone without having the fear of feeling disappointment. I know that there are other ways to love but I'm scared.
I'm frustrated and terrified and scared that my fear to love someone and to be disappointed in the end will take over me and I'll stop caring.
I feel so empty inside. I miss that passion I feel when I care about something or someone.
I feel as if I'm not myself.
I want to stress out about homework. I want to stress out about failing my classes. I want to stress out about turning in my essays and projects late and unfinished. I want to stress out about something.
But I can't. Because I stopped caring. I want to but I can't and it frustrates me so much.
I stopped caring about so many things that should be important to me but I somehow can't panic or stress about them.
Maybe the amount stress from the first semester of my senior year in high school was so much, it lead me to stop caring about a lot of things.
Maybe it was the stress from my boy problem the second semester of senior year in high school. I didn't sleep or eat well at that time and it was honestly a traumatic experience.
Maybe because I gave up on love because it gave up on me. Not through family or friends but with people that I liked and the guy I have feelings for now. Because I don't want to love, I stopped caring.
At this point in life, I'm probably used to feeling disappointment because it happens so often. The mental stress from last year killed me. I don't want to love the way I feel about this guy that I like.
Maybe it's because I don't want to love.
Or maybe I'm denying it. Maybe I want to love but I'm scared to openly admit it because I don't want to get hurt again.
It'll be difficult for me to open up again.
I'm a whole mess of emotions now. Trump is president. I'm really tired but there's so much that I have to do and all my unfinished tasks and I don't want to disappoint my dance team because I'm co-coordinator and I'm tearing up now.
See, I'm stressing out. This is good. Not for my acne though lol.
But I want to love someone without having the fear of feeling disappointment. I know that there are other ways to love but I'm scared.
I'm frustrated and terrified and scared that my fear to love someone and to be disappointed in the end will take over me and I'll stop caring.
I feel so empty inside. I miss that passion I feel when I care about something or someone.
I feel as if I'm not myself.
Saturday, October 29, 2016
Get Vaccinated!
I felt like posting something (and procrastinating on my late essay hehe) and I only have one post in my medical nerd tag LOL So here's some of my homework from my microbio class~ Not exactly the homework but just what I learned overall and summarized in a few paragraphs. I learn so much in that class omg. I love learning about medical terminology <3
**DISCLAIMER: I am not an expert on vaccinations. This is just a few things I learned in class from my professor that has a doctorate degree. Technically students address her as "Dr." and not "Professor". Just sayin... Also, this is my opinion. Don't take it so personally if vaccines aren't for you. Just don't be near me during flu season.**
I cannot stress how important it is to get vaccinated. You literally put yourself and other people at danger if you don't get vaccinated because you're more susceptible to getting the virus that causes influenza. There is a significant distinction between getting the flu and having a cold. With a cold, you're able to function. Not properly because you know coughing and a having a stuffy nose but you can still walk, go to school, go to work, eat, and all the events people do in their daily lives. However, you cannot possibly function when you have the flu. Influenza will drive your body into extreme exhaustion and will leave you feeling fatigued. Plus you have a fever, feel headaches, and bodily aches and pains so... yeah. Drastic difference there. I can't imagine someone wanting to get up with all those symptoms occurring at the same time.
Now, people will bring in the argument that even though they've been vaccinated, they still got sick.
Scenario 1: A woman said that she got the stomach flu despite being vaccinated a few days before.
Vaccinations take about two weeks to kick in. You have to let the dead virus or whatever is in the vaccine to multiply and then get into effect. Also, there is a difference between a bacterial infection and a viral infection. The flu shot only targets viruses. Not bacteria. I can go into detail the differences between the two but that would take a while (just look it up).
*Quick note: Influenza is a viral infection and the stomach flu is either a viral or bacterial infection. Most likely bacterial if you're able to function properly the next day.
Scenario 2: You get the flu even though you got a flu shot even after waiting it out for about three weeks.
Two factors contribute to this: #1 Because viruses are always constantly mutating, it's very difficult to create a perfect vaccine that will prevent the flu from everyone permanently. #2 Genetic differences. Some people's genes respond nicely to the vaccine and are less susceptible to having the flu. Some are not so lucky and are more likely to have the flu. That doesn't give a valid reason though to not get a flu shot. It's better than being an exposed target to getting the virus without any protection. It's like going to war. Would you rather go out to war with no weapon or a sword?
A few other questions:
- Why do I need to get a flu shot every year?
*See scenario 2, factor #1 from above.
-What if I'm allergic to eggs? (Because vaccines are made normally with eggs.)
There are alternative ways to making the vaccines besides using eggs. I'll provide the link to the alternative and its process along with some other cool ones.
-Why can't I take antibiotics like the ones I get from the doctor?
Different antibiotics target one specific thing that will eventually lead to the deterioration of the pathogen. An antibiotic cannot wipe out a virus. Plus the antibiotic might be specifically only for bacterial or some type of eukaryotic pathogen and not viral ones.
Well, that's that. I hope you learned a thing or two from this and I really hope you get vaccinated, especially around this season when the weather is cold and everyone gets sick. It's the fall season over here in San Francisco. At one point, everyone in my apartment was sick. It was horrible. Hope you had a great day, afternoon, evening, whatever time it is where you are.
Links
Key Facts About Seasonal Flu Vaccine
How Influenza (Flu) Vaccines Are Made
**DISCLAIMER: I am not an expert on vaccinations. This is just a few things I learned in class from my professor that has a doctorate degree. Technically students address her as "Dr." and not "Professor". Just sayin... Also, this is my opinion. Don't take it so personally if vaccines aren't for you. Just don't be near me during flu season.**
I cannot stress how important it is to get vaccinated. You literally put yourself and other people at danger if you don't get vaccinated because you're more susceptible to getting the virus that causes influenza. There is a significant distinction between getting the flu and having a cold. With a cold, you're able to function. Not properly because you know coughing and a having a stuffy nose but you can still walk, go to school, go to work, eat, and all the events people do in their daily lives. However, you cannot possibly function when you have the flu. Influenza will drive your body into extreme exhaustion and will leave you feeling fatigued. Plus you have a fever, feel headaches, and bodily aches and pains so... yeah. Drastic difference there. I can't imagine someone wanting to get up with all those symptoms occurring at the same time.
Now, people will bring in the argument that even though they've been vaccinated, they still got sick.
Scenario 1: A woman said that she got the stomach flu despite being vaccinated a few days before.
Vaccinations take about two weeks to kick in. You have to let the dead virus or whatever is in the vaccine to multiply and then get into effect. Also, there is a difference between a bacterial infection and a viral infection. The flu shot only targets viruses. Not bacteria. I can go into detail the differences between the two but that would take a while (just look it up).
*Quick note: Influenza is a viral infection and the stomach flu is either a viral or bacterial infection. Most likely bacterial if you're able to function properly the next day.
Scenario 2: You get the flu even though you got a flu shot even after waiting it out for about three weeks.
Two factors contribute to this: #1 Because viruses are always constantly mutating, it's very difficult to create a perfect vaccine that will prevent the flu from everyone permanently. #2 Genetic differences. Some people's genes respond nicely to the vaccine and are less susceptible to having the flu. Some are not so lucky and are more likely to have the flu. That doesn't give a valid reason though to not get a flu shot. It's better than being an exposed target to getting the virus without any protection. It's like going to war. Would you rather go out to war with no weapon or a sword?
A few other questions:
- Why do I need to get a flu shot every year?
*See scenario 2, factor #1 from above.
-What if I'm allergic to eggs? (Because vaccines are made normally with eggs.)
There are alternative ways to making the vaccines besides using eggs. I'll provide the link to the alternative and its process along with some other cool ones.
-Why can't I take antibiotics like the ones I get from the doctor?
Different antibiotics target one specific thing that will eventually lead to the deterioration of the pathogen. An antibiotic cannot wipe out a virus. Plus the antibiotic might be specifically only for bacterial or some type of eukaryotic pathogen and not viral ones.
Well, that's that. I hope you learned a thing or two from this and I really hope you get vaccinated, especially around this season when the weather is cold and everyone gets sick. It's the fall season over here in San Francisco. At one point, everyone in my apartment was sick. It was horrible. Hope you had a great day, afternoon, evening, whatever time it is where you are.
Links
Key Facts About Seasonal Flu Vaccine
How Influenza (Flu) Vaccines Are Made
Friday, October 21, 2016
More about me pt. 5
ASK ME THINGS - celadon-city
1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?
I'd cover my chest, wake him up, and ask him what the hell happened.
2. What's going on between you and the last person you kissed?
Nothing cuz I've never kissed anyone~~~
3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?
Hell yeah I would. I want him to be healthy and not slowly kill himself.
4. Is your last name longer than six letters?
Nope.
5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?
Neither cuz I'm a lip virgin LOOOL
6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?
Well, I liked people but I just let things flow without me intefering because I gave up on the idea of me being in a relationship. I honestly cannot see myself in a relationship because of traumatic rejections. I'm terrified of getting treated like shit again when the guy knows my feelings for him. I'm always in this toxic cycle when I have feelings for a guy and he knows about them. That's why with the guy that I have feelings for right now, I can never tell him. It's best for him and me. He has other stuff to deal with and we've been through so much. I don't want to throw it away because of me. It sucks at times but what can I do? He did something unforgivable and yet I still love him. Call it over-exaggerating but if only you knew how much he hurt me. It's unconditional if yah know what I mean. He's gonna find someone that he loves and she'll love him because she's gonna fall in love with every part of him, accept him for who he is, and love him unconditionally like me. Oh well. Life. That's just me. Don't judge me.
7. What does your last received text say?
"frickin cat..."
8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?
I've never kissed anyone sooooo LOL
9. Where was your last kiss at?
Omg. I've never kissed anyone. Sheesh. So many kissing questions...
10. When was the last time you saw your sister?
Last weekend.
11. What do you drink in the morning?
Either my vitamin drink or my nutrition shake. I don't eat breakfast.
12. Where did you sleep last night?
In my apartment.
13. Do you think relationships are hard?
I dunno. I've never been in one LOL
14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?
Um... I would've asked my teacher in my AP gov. class if I could move seats because I was really uncomfortable where I was sitting at that time and talk to him about why. I was so fucked up with boy drama, I didn't want to pay attention in class. I wanted to leave the classroom and cry by myself. I didn't want to anyone to comfort me. I felt as if I was thrown away by someone that I really cared about. He didn't give a fuck because he was with his fucking girlfriend. I hated them. It was disgusting seeing them around school. He dehumanized me and saw me as some sexual thing without any consideration of my feelings for him even though he knew that I had feelings for him. And in return he got a fucking girlfriend. Was that really worth traumatizing and dehumanizing someone and ruining someone's physical and mental health? A fucking girlfriend? Life was horrible at that time and a few months before that. (I'm not in a good mood right now obviously)
15. You're locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?
No because it's just me~
16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?
Sunny~ I love the warm, happy feeling :3
17. Do you anyone with the same middle name as you?
Nope.
18. Are you wearing jeans, sweatpants, or pajama pants?
Sweats. The friggin cat scratched my thigh and it still stings...
19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?
HAHAHA NAAAH. That's literally impossible.
20. Does anyone like you?
HAHA YOU'RE SO FUCKING FUNNY.
21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?
No. Lip virgin here.
22. Is the last person you kissed gay?
Well I've never kissed anyone so no LOL
23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?
Oh my goodness yes. One of my best friend's ex gf. I fucking hate her. And this girl in my stats class that reminds me of her.
24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?
Yeup. A rose. I dunno where though.
25. In the past week, have you cried?
Almost today but no.
26. What breed was the last dog you saw?
The cutie was a golden retriever :3
27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?
In the shower.
28. Have you ever kissed a football player?
Uh no. I've never kissed anyone. I'm getting sick of these kissing questions...
29. Do you think you're old?
No because I look like a junior in high school.
30. Do you like text messaging?
It's alright.
31. What type of day are you having?
Eh. The first half of my day was fun but the other half was meh.
32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?
Nah. I'll stick to my ears.
33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
I really don't care. I can adapt.
34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?
Yeah, he's one of my best friends :3
35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?
A relationship.
36. Are you a simple or complicated person?
If you know me, I'm complicated af.
58. Do you get along with girls?
Yeah. I have more females friends than guy friends.
59. Have you dated the person you texted last?
No.
60. What do you carry with you at all times?
My phone.
61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?
Maybe. I'd just stay in one spot and stay there the whole night.
62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?
I dunno. I've never been in a relationship before.
63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?
No.
64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?
Yeah...
65. Did anything "cute" happen in the last week?
Yes, last night's outfit :3
66. How old are the last three people you kissed?
LOL what people
67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?
I'd rather do it myself.
68. Which do you like better- Zebra print of leopard print?
Leopard print.
69. Do you have any stickers on your car?
I don't have a car. Not gonna drive in SF LOL
70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?
Lil Wayne. I don't like country music.
71. Blackberry, Android, or iPhone?
It's between Android and iPhone.
72. When's the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?
A long time.
73. Do you like diet soda?
Ew no it's so sweet.
74. What color are the walls in your room?
A boring beige.
75. Are you 16 or older?
Yes.
76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?
I used to but then I got sick of the whole "A" thing.
77. Do you have a job?
No but I wish.
78. What are your initials?
MI
79. Did you ever have braces?
Well I have braces now so yeah.
80. Are you from the South?
Nope. From Nor-Cal.
81. What does your last status on facebook say?
I dunno. It's been awhile since I posted a status.
82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?
LOL What kiss??????
83. Are you closer to your mom or dad?
Neither.
84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?
Nope.
85. What's the last movie you saw in theaters?
Suicide Squad. Ew. Not worth money. It was too hyped up.
86. Do you smoke?
Nooooo. I love my lungs.
87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?
Flip flops cuz they're comfortable affff
88. Is your phone touch screen?
Yeup both are.
89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?
Straight.
90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?
Nope. I couldn't if I wanted to anyway LOL
91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?
Uh pool. I can swim but I can't float LOOOOL
92. Have you ever made out in a car?
Nope cuz I've never had my first kiss. Lip virgin afffff
93. ...Had sex in a car?
O_O No. I'm a virgin.
94. Are you single or in a relationship?
Single AFFFFFFF. Been single my whole life.
95. What were you doing last night at midnight?
I was on my laptop doing something. I forgot what though.
96. When's the last time you saw fireworks?
July 4th.
97. Do you like the camera on your phone?
No. It sucks.
98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?
Nope.
99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?
Nope. I might do that one day though knowing me LOL
100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?
Nah. I usually block people that I hate.
101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?
Uh no. I'm too young to get pregnant.
102. Name your favorite Kesha song:
Blah Blah Blah
103. Do you have any tan lines right now?
Yeah but they're fading out.
104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?
Cowboy boots with short shorts yes.
1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?
I'd cover my chest, wake him up, and ask him what the hell happened.
2. What's going on between you and the last person you kissed?
Nothing cuz I've never kissed anyone~~~
3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?
Hell yeah I would. I want him to be healthy and not slowly kill himself.
4. Is your last name longer than six letters?
Nope.
5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?
Neither cuz I'm a lip virgin LOOOL
6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?
Well, I liked people but I just let things flow without me intefering because I gave up on the idea of me being in a relationship. I honestly cannot see myself in a relationship because of traumatic rejections. I'm terrified of getting treated like shit again when the guy knows my feelings for him. I'm always in this toxic cycle when I have feelings for a guy and he knows about them. That's why with the guy that I have feelings for right now, I can never tell him. It's best for him and me. He has other stuff to deal with and we've been through so much. I don't want to throw it away because of me. It sucks at times but what can I do? He did something unforgivable and yet I still love him. Call it over-exaggerating but if only you knew how much he hurt me. It's unconditional if yah know what I mean. He's gonna find someone that he loves and she'll love him because she's gonna fall in love with every part of him, accept him for who he is, and love him unconditionally like me. Oh well. Life. That's just me. Don't judge me.
7. What does your last received text say?
"frickin cat..."
8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?
I've never kissed anyone sooooo LOL
9. Where was your last kiss at?
Omg. I've never kissed anyone. Sheesh. So many kissing questions...
10. When was the last time you saw your sister?
Last weekend.
11. What do you drink in the morning?
Either my vitamin drink or my nutrition shake. I don't eat breakfast.
12. Where did you sleep last night?
In my apartment.
13. Do you think relationships are hard?
I dunno. I've never been in one LOL
14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?
Um... I would've asked my teacher in my AP gov. class if I could move seats because I was really uncomfortable where I was sitting at that time and talk to him about why. I was so fucked up with boy drama, I didn't want to pay attention in class. I wanted to leave the classroom and cry by myself. I didn't want to anyone to comfort me. I felt as if I was thrown away by someone that I really cared about. He didn't give a fuck because he was with his fucking girlfriend. I hated them. It was disgusting seeing them around school. He dehumanized me and saw me as some sexual thing without any consideration of my feelings for him even though he knew that I had feelings for him. And in return he got a fucking girlfriend. Was that really worth traumatizing and dehumanizing someone and ruining someone's physical and mental health? A fucking girlfriend? Life was horrible at that time and a few months before that. (I'm not in a good mood right now obviously)
15. You're locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?
No because it's just me~
16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?
Sunny~ I love the warm, happy feeling :3
17. Do you anyone with the same middle name as you?
Nope.
18. Are you wearing jeans, sweatpants, or pajama pants?
Sweats. The friggin cat scratched my thigh and it still stings...
19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?
HAHAHA NAAAH. That's literally impossible.
20. Does anyone like you?
HAHA YOU'RE SO FUCKING FUNNY.
21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?
No. Lip virgin here.
22. Is the last person you kissed gay?
Well I've never kissed anyone so no LOL
23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?
Oh my goodness yes. One of my best friend's ex gf. I fucking hate her. And this girl in my stats class that reminds me of her.
24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?
Yeup. A rose. I dunno where though.
25. In the past week, have you cried?
Almost today but no.
26. What breed was the last dog you saw?
The cutie was a golden retriever :3
27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?
In the shower.
28. Have you ever kissed a football player?
Uh no. I've never kissed anyone. I'm getting sick of these kissing questions...
29. Do you think you're old?
No because I look like a junior in high school.
30. Do you like text messaging?
It's alright.
31. What type of day are you having?
Eh. The first half of my day was fun but the other half was meh.
32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?
Nah. I'll stick to my ears.
33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
I really don't care. I can adapt.
34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?
Yeah, he's one of my best friends :3
35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?
A relationship.
36. Are you a simple or complicated person?
If you know me, I'm complicated af.
37. What song are you listening to?
Be Comfortable by Simon D, Gray, and One.
38. When you say sorry, do you mean it?
Yes of course. I always mean it. If I mess up, I will admit it.
39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everthing about you?
My sister LOOOOL She knows me so well, I can send her to the mall, shop for me, and I'll end up liking what she picks for me. Same in reverse heh.
40. What made you start liking the person you like now?
Wow we're getting very personal here. Well actually, my junior year of high school, I had small feelings for him but then I had more feelings for this other dude. Moving onto senior year, I started liking him the more time I spent with him. He made me laugh a lot and we talked often because of our classes and inside jokes. I had half of my classes with him the first semester but class and complications and requirements and so next semester, we had two classes together. I dunno, one day, I thought that he looked cute. I dunno how man. It just happened. Then I kept ignoring it for a few days because yah know maybe that's just my mind wandering into weird territory. (oh wow ok thanks what2do is playing perfect timing... -_-..) Eventually I admitted it. I told my friend from choir that I like him and she kept teasing me about it LOL
41. When did you last receive a text message?
11:26 pm
42. What is wrong with you now?
I'm annoyed at a lot of things.
43. How well do you know the last female you texted?
Not that well but we always go out to eat when we're craving food, especially when I crave LOL
44. Does anyone disgust you?
One of my best friend's ex.
45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?
I don't know honestly. I'm scared of being in a relationship.
46. Are you in a good mood right now?
No.
47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?
My roommate's sister.
48. What color shirt are you wearing?
I'm not wearing a shirt LOL
49. Has someone recently told you something you didn't want to hear?
Yeah...
50. Anyone you're giving up on?
Uh. I dunno honestly.
51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?
I did but I don't anymore.
52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn't?
YEAH SO MANY TIMES IT'S SO ANNOYING. My indecisive and curious mind bothers me at times...
53. Do you like rain?
Yeah. California is in a drought. We're hella thirsty here ;) LOOOL
54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?
No but if he does excessively, then yes.
55. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?
Yeah like right now LOOOOOL
56. Do you like to cuddle?
What. I dunno. I've never cuddled or whatever that shit is lol
57. Are you shy?
In certain situations yes.
Be Comfortable by Simon D, Gray, and One.
38. When you say sorry, do you mean it?
Yes of course. I always mean it. If I mess up, I will admit it.
39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everthing about you?
My sister LOOOOL She knows me so well, I can send her to the mall, shop for me, and I'll end up liking what she picks for me. Same in reverse heh.
40. What made you start liking the person you like now?
Wow we're getting very personal here. Well actually, my junior year of high school, I had small feelings for him but then I had more feelings for this other dude. Moving onto senior year, I started liking him the more time I spent with him. He made me laugh a lot and we talked often because of our classes and inside jokes. I had half of my classes with him the first semester but class and complications and requirements and so next semester, we had two classes together. I dunno, one day, I thought that he looked cute. I dunno how man. It just happened. Then I kept ignoring it for a few days because yah know maybe that's just my mind wandering into weird territory. (oh wow ok thanks what2do is playing perfect timing... -_-..) Eventually I admitted it. I told my friend from choir that I like him and she kept teasing me about it LOL
41. When did you last receive a text message?
11:26 pm
42. What is wrong with you now?
I'm annoyed at a lot of things.
43. How well do you know the last female you texted?
Not that well but we always go out to eat when we're craving food, especially when I crave LOL
44. Does anyone disgust you?
One of my best friend's ex.
45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?
I don't know honestly. I'm scared of being in a relationship.
46. Are you in a good mood right now?
No.
47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?
My roommate's sister.
48. What color shirt are you wearing?
I'm not wearing a shirt LOL
49. Has someone recently told you something you didn't want to hear?
Yeah...
50. Anyone you're giving up on?
Uh. I dunno honestly.
51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?
I did but I don't anymore.
52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn't?
YEAH SO MANY TIMES IT'S SO ANNOYING. My indecisive and curious mind bothers me at times...
53. Do you like rain?
Yeah. California is in a drought. We're hella thirsty here ;) LOOOL
54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?
No but if he does excessively, then yes.
55. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?
Yeah like right now LOOOOOL
56. Do you like to cuddle?
What. I dunno. I've never cuddled or whatever that shit is lol
57. Are you shy?
In certain situations yes.
58. Do you get along with girls?
Yeah. I have more females friends than guy friends.
59. Have you dated the person you texted last?
No.
60. What do you carry with you at all times?
My phone.
61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?
Maybe. I'd just stay in one spot and stay there the whole night.
62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?
I dunno. I've never been in a relationship before.
63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?
No.
64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?
Yeah...
65. Did anything "cute" happen in the last week?
Yes, last night's outfit :3
66. How old are the last three people you kissed?
LOL what people
67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?
I'd rather do it myself.
68. Which do you like better- Zebra print of leopard print?
Leopard print.
69. Do you have any stickers on your car?
I don't have a car. Not gonna drive in SF LOL
70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?
Lil Wayne. I don't like country music.
71. Blackberry, Android, or iPhone?
It's between Android and iPhone.
72. When's the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?
A long time.
73. Do you like diet soda?
Ew no it's so sweet.
74. What color are the walls in your room?
A boring beige.
75. Are you 16 or older?
Yes.
76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?
I used to but then I got sick of the whole "A" thing.
77. Do you have a job?
No but I wish.
78. What are your initials?
MI
79. Did you ever have braces?
Well I have braces now so yeah.
80. Are you from the South?
Nope. From Nor-Cal.
81. What does your last status on facebook say?
I dunno. It's been awhile since I posted a status.
82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?
LOL What kiss??????
83. Are you closer to your mom or dad?
Neither.
84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?
Nope.
85. What's the last movie you saw in theaters?
Suicide Squad. Ew. Not worth money. It was too hyped up.
86. Do you smoke?
Nooooo. I love my lungs.
87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?
Flip flops cuz they're comfortable affff
88. Is your phone touch screen?
Yeup both are.
89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?
Straight.
90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?
Nope. I couldn't if I wanted to anyway LOL
91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?
Uh pool. I can swim but I can't float LOOOOL
92. Have you ever made out in a car?
Nope cuz I've never had my first kiss. Lip virgin afffff
93. ...Had sex in a car?
O_O No. I'm a virgin.
94. Are you single or in a relationship?
Single AFFFFFFF. Been single my whole life.
95. What were you doing last night at midnight?
I was on my laptop doing something. I forgot what though.
96. When's the last time you saw fireworks?
July 4th.
97. Do you like the camera on your phone?
No. It sucks.
98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?
Nope.
99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?
Nope. I might do that one day though knowing me LOL
100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?
Nah. I usually block people that I hate.
101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?
Uh no. I'm too young to get pregnant.
102. Name your favorite Kesha song:
Blah Blah Blah
103. Do you have any tan lines right now?
Yeah but they're fading out.
104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?
Cowboy boots with short shorts yes.
Chill.
The cat that's in my apartment scratched my upper inner left thigh and that's a really sensitive area. It was bleeding a lot and now I have a paper towel on it that's held by 2 band-aids. It stings like hell even with the paper towel. I swear this cat just loves to annoy me. I was so annoyed with her chewing on my laptop, my wires, and bugging the hell out of me, I had to move some of my stuff in my closet. I mean my area looks cleaner but there was so much stuff on my mind, the cat was the last thing I wanted to think about. At one point, I wanted to cry out of frustration.
I apologize to my friend in Utah. I'm drinking thai tea and pocky right now and yes, I know it's very bad for my cough since I sounded like I was dying last night but I need my comfort food to help me chill the fuck down.
It still stings...
Sunday, October 9, 2016
K-pop questionnaire
I missed blogging and I felt like posting something K-pop related because of all the K-pop happening~
BUT YO SHINEE'S COMEBACK YES HUN U GO BBYS WERK DAT 90S CONCEPT <3
This literally screams 90s concept LOL
I think I'll have some fun with this post :3
7. Have you made any friends because of kpop?
Oh my goodness yes. Many wonderful and amazing friends and you can read about my whole story with K-pop and making friends in Reasons why I'm K-pop trash.
9. Have you ever regretted getting into kpop?
Definitely no. It's one of the best decisions I made in my entire life because it changed me for the best and helped me become the person I am today :)
BUT YO SHINEE'S COMEBACK YES HUN U GO BBYS WERK DAT 90S CONCEPT <3
This literally screams 90s concept LOL
I think I'll have some fun with this post :3
KPOP Tag Game! - hobiihyungg
1. Favorite hairstyle on your bias?
My bias group is SHINee but waow I have a lot of biases from different groups :3 Mmmm I'll just pick Infinite just cuz lol. My bias in Infinite is L/Myungsoo. He's such a cutie omg.
A cute guy in a suit is one of my weaknesses.
2. Have you ever introduced a friend to kpop?
Yes and now she's deep in the kpop hell hole with me hehehe :3 She's also one of my besties <3
3. Would never listen to kpop again if it meant you could spend an hour with your bias?
Aw hell no. That's never worth it. LOOL
4. Favorite solo artist?
Ailee <3 Her voice is amazing omfg. Just listen to this. No words needed to describe how amazing she is: [HIT] 에일리 - I will always love you 불후의 명곡2.20140412
5. If you could be in any kpop group, which one would you be in?
2NE1 because of the whole badass thing they have going on and because Park Bom is one of my nicknames. LOL I don't wear pants that often like Park Bom when she does performances and photo shoots. It's mostly shorts and really long shirts and or sweaters. Some days, it looks like I don't have any pants on hehe ;) During dance practice with KDT, the members would joke about where my pants are haha.
YAAAAS 2NE1 SLAY QUEENS <3 (Park Bom is on the far left with the black hair. Mah bias in 2NE1~)
6. If all your biases ran a race, who do you think would win?
Well duh Flaming Charisma Minho from SHINee. He's so competitive it's adorable~
So adorable omg.
7. Have you made any friends because of kpop?
Oh my goodness yes. Many wonderful and amazing friends and you can read about my whole story with K-pop and making friends in Reasons why I'm K-pop trash.
8. Favorite kpop friendship?
You mean OTP? Haha jk. I love Kai and D.O.'s friendship~ It's so adorable, there are fanfics about this ship and by fanfics I mean it'll make you cry at 2AM fanfic. Like dude. If you're an EXO-L or were into EXO since the early "Exotic" days, then you know what Anterograde Tomorrow is. Seriously though, even if fanfics aren't your thing, you definitely need to read this. It's so beautifully written and it will seriously give you sad depressing feels at 2AM. And yes it's better to read this at 2AM and drown in angsty sadness.
Anterograde Tomorrow
Summary: Kyungsoo is stuck in the hours while Jongin begs the seconds, because time stops for someone who can't remember and runs from someone who can't miss the last train home.
You mean OTP? Haha jk. I love Kai and D.O.'s friendship~ It's so adorable, there are fanfics about this ship and by fanfics I mean it'll make you cry at 2AM fanfic. Like dude. If you're an EXO-L or were into EXO since the early "Exotic" days, then you know what Anterograde Tomorrow is. Seriously though, even if fanfics aren't your thing, you definitely need to read this. It's so beautifully written and it will seriously give you sad depressing feels at 2AM. And yes it's better to read this at 2AM and drown in angsty sadness.
Anterograde Tomorrow
Summary: Kyungsoo is stuck in the hours while Jongin begs the seconds, because time stops for someone who can't remember and runs from someone who can't miss the last train home.
9. Have you ever regretted getting into kpop?
Definitely no. It's one of the best decisions I made in my entire life because it changed me for the best and helped me become the person I am today :)
Tuesday, October 4, 2016
New glasses~
I feel cute in my new glasses :3 Natural and quirky according to one of my friends haha :D
Monday, October 3, 2016
Successful connections and some feels
Right now I'm typing out whatever I can think of so that I can get in the mood to actually work on my essay that I've been procrastinating on for a long time.
You know this whole getting over him this isn't really working out for me lol. It's like I dunno. It has its ups and downs. Like life. It's been pretty chill so far. He's busy. I'm busy. But when we do have time to text we text. Yeah, it's pretty chill right now. I know it won't be for long but I want to savor the good times and the chill times yah know? Yeah I still love him and all that. At times I wonder if my feelings for him are drifting away just because things are chill and that's obviously not the case. It's just means that we're comfortable with each other and that's good. You don't want to feel uncomfortable with someone that's close to you. If things are, then you two gotta work it out somehow. Being understanding is very important too. For example, if you know that the other person is really busy and isn't responding to your texts and you're freaking out about that, chill. That person will respond to you eventually. Besides, at least you're not being ignored and that the person actually will give you a part of their time for you. I mean, it's not much but it's something. Anyway, yeah chill man. Be understanding. Or maybe I'm just comfortable feeling that way towards him. Probably both. Oh yeah communication is key to any friendship and relationship. It goes in hand with being understanding. Being comfortable with someone means that both people are understanding and accepting of each other and honest (and by honest I mean being straight-forward and not ambiguous). That's just me though. Now, I've never been in a relationship before and so what I just said might not be considered legitimate but I've seen what my friends that are still in successful 3+ years of a relationship do and it's pretty much all that. But I have been friends with this guy for a while and at one point, I thought that our friendship was over. Like "I'm just gonna pretend that you don't exist" over because he did something that really hurt me. But yah know things happened, conversations, second chances, understanding each other, honesty, and now he's one of my best friends LOL. I didn't forgive him for what he did though. Let's just say that it really affected me physically and mentally. But what counts is that we're still friends to this day and I'm so happy and thankful that I decided to message him that one night. Or that one day that freaked the hell out of me. I mean it showed that he was really sorry. Knowing me, I can't ignore something like that because I overthink. Thanks God for that moment haha. He still considers me as one of his best friends but I dunno... I still feel like I'm not because I don't feel worthy enough. It's still one of the things I think about today. I have those times when I feel insecure about how much I mean to people. I mean, I know that my self worth shouldn't be based on how much you're worth to someone else but I have those thoughts at times. I'm human just like you. BUT a majority of the time I know I'm worth much more that someone's opinion of me. My perspective of myself is enough because it's what makes me feel respected and beautiful.
I have a headache now... I dunno why I've been getting headaches lately... Maybe it's the glasses? I dunno... Sleep? No... I took a nap in the afternoon after church. Well, technically after I walked home from the park. I was on the swing for 30 minutes and was so sore after I got off. I was walking weirdly. Like in small steps when I feel cute at times haha. But yeah I think I'm gonna get bruises on my arms and hips lol. Kinky thinking a bit there LOL. But it was worth it. I haven't been on a swing in a long time. I felt so innocent, happy, and free. It takes me back to the happier memories of my childhood when my dad would push me on the swings at the park that was near my house. I love going on the swings and obviously I still do. I know I'm gonna go back there after church every Sunday from now on.
My left ear hurts because of the left temple of my new glasses. I dunno why my right side doesn't hurt. Ugh I just touched the outer part of the top of my left ear and it's so sore...
I'm feeling a bit sick to the stomach now... I think I'll go and do some research for my essay and then try to come up with something tomorrow. It's due tomorrow too but I got an A on the first essay I rushed sooooo... yeah. College procrastination at its finest.
You know this whole getting over him this isn't really working out for me lol. It's like I dunno. It has its ups and downs. Like life. It's been pretty chill so far. He's busy. I'm busy. But when we do have time to text we text. Yeah, it's pretty chill right now. I know it won't be for long but I want to savor the good times and the chill times yah know? Yeah I still love him and all that. At times I wonder if my feelings for him are drifting away just because things are chill and that's obviously not the case. It's just means that we're comfortable with each other and that's good. You don't want to feel uncomfortable with someone that's close to you. If things are, then you two gotta work it out somehow. Being understanding is very important too. For example, if you know that the other person is really busy and isn't responding to your texts and you're freaking out about that, chill. That person will respond to you eventually. Besides, at least you're not being ignored and that the person actually will give you a part of their time for you. I mean, it's not much but it's something. Anyway, yeah chill man. Be understanding. Or maybe I'm just comfortable feeling that way towards him. Probably both. Oh yeah communication is key to any friendship and relationship. It goes in hand with being understanding. Being comfortable with someone means that both people are understanding and accepting of each other and honest (and by honest I mean being straight-forward and not ambiguous). That's just me though. Now, I've never been in a relationship before and so what I just said might not be considered legitimate but I've seen what my friends that are still in successful 3+ years of a relationship do and it's pretty much all that. But I have been friends with this guy for a while and at one point, I thought that our friendship was over. Like "I'm just gonna pretend that you don't exist" over because he did something that really hurt me. But yah know things happened, conversations, second chances, understanding each other, honesty, and now he's one of my best friends LOL. I didn't forgive him for what he did though. Let's just say that it really affected me physically and mentally. But what counts is that we're still friends to this day and I'm so happy and thankful that I decided to message him that one night. Or that one day that freaked the hell out of me. I mean it showed that he was really sorry. Knowing me, I can't ignore something like that because I overthink. Thanks God for that moment haha. He still considers me as one of his best friends but I dunno... I still feel like I'm not because I don't feel worthy enough. It's still one of the things I think about today. I have those times when I feel insecure about how much I mean to people. I mean, I know that my self worth shouldn't be based on how much you're worth to someone else but I have those thoughts at times. I'm human just like you. BUT a majority of the time I know I'm worth much more that someone's opinion of me. My perspective of myself is enough because it's what makes me feel respected and beautiful.
I have a headache now... I dunno why I've been getting headaches lately... Maybe it's the glasses? I dunno... Sleep? No... I took a nap in the afternoon after church. Well, technically after I walked home from the park. I was on the swing for 30 minutes and was so sore after I got off. I was walking weirdly. Like in small steps when I feel cute at times haha. But yeah I think I'm gonna get bruises on my arms and hips lol. Kinky thinking a bit there LOL. But it was worth it. I haven't been on a swing in a long time. I felt so innocent, happy, and free. It takes me back to the happier memories of my childhood when my dad would push me on the swings at the park that was near my house. I love going on the swings and obviously I still do. I know I'm gonna go back there after church every Sunday from now on.
My left ear hurts because of the left temple of my new glasses. I dunno why my right side doesn't hurt. Ugh I just touched the outer part of the top of my left ear and it's so sore...
I'm feeling a bit sick to the stomach now... I think I'll go and do some research for my essay and then try to come up with something tomorrow. It's due tomorrow too but I got an A on the first essay I rushed sooooo... yeah. College procrastination at its finest.
Saturday, October 1, 2016
More about me pt. 4
Survey #153 (I forgot the source. My bad. I'll edit it in if I find it)
I take it you like someone? If so, who do you like?
Haha. Just go through my blog a bit. You'll find out.
Anything sexual stuff happen in the past two months?
Yes but I'm not saying what it was lol. (Still a virgin don't worry haha)
Is your phone right next to you, or at least close by?
Yeup
What windows are open on your computer right now?
Facebook, tumblr, my blog
Anything you would like to say to someone?
Yeup "OMG IZ U DED MAYN"
Last place you went besides your house?
This chinese restaurant.
Have you ever wanted someone so bad, and then they completely stopped talking to you?
Hahaha yeah. It was bad.
Is your phone a touch screen?
Yeup
Who is the last person to call you?
My momma~
What was the last movie you watched?
Suicide Squad. Omfg it was bad.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Studying, maybe going to the mall to buy some ice cream or buy some tights that I've been wanting for a long time.
Was 2009 a good year for you?
No. It was horrible.
Do any of your friends dislike each other?
Surprisingly no haha
Who knows your biggest secret?
One of my best friends.
Do you think anyone has feelings for you?
AHAHA. no. That's literally impossible.
How do you know?
Because I know. Trust me.
Do you care if people hate you for no reason?
Well I hate someone for no good reason so no. I really don't care. I can be petty and salty :3
Are you in a good mood?
I guess so yeah
Do you think ex's can remain friends?
It depends honestly. So yes and no.
Were you single on your last birthday?
Yeup. Single and fabulous.
Are you starting to realize anything?
Not really.
Have you ever thought about giving up on someone, but couldn't?
Yeup.
Do you follow rules or break them?
Majority of the time follow them.
Are you currently looking forward to anything?
Mmmmm going to the mall tomorrow.
Could you go a day without eating?
Without eating something solid yes. I bought a smoothie at school and it was the only thing I consumed within 6 hours.
How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?
None.
What are you doing right now, besides this?
Listening to music.
When you listen to a new song, do you usually play it over and over?
Yeah. If I really like it of course. If I'm not really into it, then I listen to it over and over until I start liking it. It's weird. lol
Do you scream stuff out the car window?
No. That's weird...
You're single, right?
Damn right I am. It's so liberating and satisfying to not have anyone hold you back.
How's that going for you?
Amazing. I don't have to spend money on other people but me and a few special people :3
Has anyone laid on your bed besides you?
Nope.
Who's the first person you spoke to in 2010?
I dunno lol
Do you prefer being called your actual name or a nick name?
Either one is fine.
Do you ever want to get married?
Yeah but I probably won't honestly knowing me.
Is there someone who makes you blush when you just say hi to them?
Yeah. I dunno how it's possible for me to talk to him honestly. Especially face to face omg. I had a hard time looking at his face while we were talking the last time we saw each other.
How was your Saturday night?
Well today is technically Saturday sooooo I hope that my Saturday night will be cool and chill.
I take it you like someone? If so, who do you like?
Haha. Just go through my blog a bit. You'll find out.
Anything sexual stuff happen in the past two months?
Yes but I'm not saying what it was lol. (Still a virgin don't worry haha)
Is your phone right next to you, or at least close by?
Yeup
What windows are open on your computer right now?
Facebook, tumblr, my blog
Anything you would like to say to someone?
Yeup "OMG IZ U DED MAYN"
Last place you went besides your house?
This chinese restaurant.
Have you ever wanted someone so bad, and then they completely stopped talking to you?
Hahaha yeah. It was bad.
Is your phone a touch screen?
Yeup
Who is the last person to call you?
My momma~
What was the last movie you watched?
Suicide Squad. Omfg it was bad.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Studying, maybe going to the mall to buy some ice cream or buy some tights that I've been wanting for a long time.
Was 2009 a good year for you?
No. It was horrible.
Do any of your friends dislike each other?
Surprisingly no haha
Who knows your biggest secret?
One of my best friends.
Do you think anyone has feelings for you?
AHAHA. no. That's literally impossible.
How do you know?
Because I know. Trust me.
Do you care if people hate you for no reason?
Well I hate someone for no good reason so no. I really don't care. I can be petty and salty :3
Are you in a good mood?
I guess so yeah
Do you think ex's can remain friends?
It depends honestly. So yes and no.
Were you single on your last birthday?
Yeup. Single and fabulous.
Are you starting to realize anything?
Not really.
Have you ever thought about giving up on someone, but couldn't?
Yeup.
Do you follow rules or break them?
Majority of the time follow them.
Are you currently looking forward to anything?
Mmmmm going to the mall tomorrow.
Could you go a day without eating?
Without eating something solid yes. I bought a smoothie at school and it was the only thing I consumed within 6 hours.
How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?
None.
What are you doing right now, besides this?
Listening to music.
When you listen to a new song, do you usually play it over and over?
Yeah. If I really like it of course. If I'm not really into it, then I listen to it over and over until I start liking it. It's weird. lol
Do you scream stuff out the car window?
No. That's weird...
You're single, right?
Damn right I am. It's so liberating and satisfying to not have anyone hold you back.
How's that going for you?
Amazing. I don't have to spend money on other people but me and a few special people :3
Has anyone laid on your bed besides you?
Nope.
Who's the first person you spoke to in 2010?
I dunno lol
Do you prefer being called your actual name or a nick name?
Either one is fine.
Do you ever want to get married?
Yeah but I probably won't honestly knowing me.
Is there someone who makes you blush when you just say hi to them?
Yeah. I dunno how it's possible for me to talk to him honestly. Especially face to face omg. I had a hard time looking at his face while we were talking the last time we saw each other.
How was your Saturday night?
Well today is technically Saturday sooooo I hope that my Saturday night will be cool and chill.
More about me pt.3
I gave up on the questionnaire with 101 questions. So now I'm doing one that has 155. Don't ask why. I don't know why either.
The ask/send a number to inbox questionanaire!!! - alexnotsosecretworld
1. Full name:
Melissa Ann Mercado Isla
2. Zodiac sign:
Gemini
3. 3 fears:
Being lonely for a long time, feeling like I've been used again
4. 3 things
I don't get it but ok three things. Cheese, chocolate, tea
5. 4 turn on's
intelligence, good sense of humor, likes kpop, gives good hugs
6. 4 turn off's
being ignorant and close-minded, doesn't like animals, a rude attitude, being impatient af
7. My best friend?
Do multiple best friends count?
8. Sexual orientation?
Straight
9. My best first date?
HAHAHAHA THAT'S HILARIOUS. Never went on a date.
10. How tall am I?
5' yeup short af. It's a blessing and challenge.
11. What do I miss?
My mom's cooking, milk tea from Milpitas
12. What time was I born?
I honestly have no idea. My parents lost my birth certificate. Oops.
13. Favorite color?
Green~~
14. Do I have a crush?
Sadly yes. Why sadly? Because I overthink shit that's why. But yeah I do.
15. Favorite quote?
"Cogito ergo sum. I think, therefore I am." - René Descartes
16. Favorite place?
A buffet.
17. Favorite food?
Sushi
18. Do I use sarcasm?
Well I don't know. Do I?
19. What am I listening to now?
Epik High's version of Eyes, Nose, Lips.
20. First thing I notice in new person?
The way the person talks.
21. Shoe size?
Women: 5 Men: 2
22. Eye color?
Brown
23. Hair color?
Black with a faded red color on the ends
24. Favorite style of clothing?
25. Ever done a prank call?
Nope.
26. What color of underwear I'm wearing now?
O__O um pink... getting a bit curious to why that question.
27. Meaning behind my URL?
I'm always feeling emotions because I'm an emotional person.
28. Favorite movie?
Rapunzel
29. Favorite song?
Don't have one.
30. Favorite band?
SHINee <3 They're not a band but a kpop group with 5 adorable idiots that I love.
31. How I feel right now?
Cold because it's cold in the living room, a cramped feeling in my left leg
32. Someone I love.
Just go through the Emotions gmfu tag. You get the idea.
33. My current relationship status.
Single af. Probably gonna stay single af for the rest of my life tbh...
34. My relationship with my parents.
Eh. It's ok. They love me, I love them. Pretty much.
35. Favorite holiday.
Thanksgiving. Because food.
36. Tattoos and piercings I have.
I have two piercings. One on each ear lobe.
37. Tattoos and piercings I want.
I dunno about tattoos. It's a big commitment to get one. I want an upper lobe one on my left ear and a helix on my right ear.
38. The reason I joined Blogger.
Read my intro lol
39. Do I and my last ex hate each other?
LOL what ex. Never had one.
40. Do I ever get "good morning" or "good night" texts?
Not everyday. Sometimes yeah.
41. Have I ever kissed the last person I texted?
No.
42. When did I last hold hands?
In church.
43. How long does it take for me to get ready in the morning?
like 20 mins if I'm rushing. An hour and 30 mins if I'm not.
44. Have I shaved my legs in the past three days?
Yeup. Gotta shave them soon.
45. Where am I right now?
In the living room of my apartment.
46. If I were drunk & can't stand, who's taking care of me?
One of my best friends. Genevieveeeeeeeeee <3
47. Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?
Depends on the situation.
48. Do I live with my mom or dad?
Neither. I'm on my own in the city.
49. Am I excited for anything?
Not really...
50. Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?
Mhm. It's cool. We can talk about anything. Literally anything haha.
51. How often do I wear a fake smile?
I used to wear a fake smile but I don't anymore. I'll save the explanation for another post.
52. When was the last time I hugged someone?
When my friend Lisa and I had to go our separate ways after going out to eat lunch.
53. What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?
Well nothing would happen because I never kissed anyone LOOOOOL
54. Is there anyone I trust even though I shouldn't?
Nope. I'm very selective with who I trust.
55. What is something I disliked about today?
Nothing really. Today was ok.
56. If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
SHINee <3
57. What do I think about the most?
Feelings for this dude. lol oops. He won't read this anyway.
58. What's my strangest talent?
I can eat a lot of things. Except raw oysters and internal organs except intestines.
59. Do I have any strange phobias?
I really hate things that squirm like worms.
60. Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
In front~
61. What was the last lie I told?
I don't love him. LOL. Nothing much happening after I admitted it. Just the same shit with stronger feelings. Yah know, insecurities about myself and all that.
62. Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?
Talking on the phone. OH MY GOODNESS. I'm sorry I can't but think of those late nights I'm so sorry I just think about it automatically because it happened so many times haha.
63. Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
Yes to both.
64. Do I believe in magic?
In a sense yes.
65. Do I believe in luck?
Yeup~
66. What's the weather like right now?
Cold and windy
67. What was the last book I read?
The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde
68. Do I like the smell of gasoline?
Ew nope.
69. Do I have any nicknames?
Isla
70. What was the worse injury I've ever had?
When I was younger, I was at the park and I slipped off of this balance thingy and scraped my knee. There was a lot of blood LOL.
71. Do I spend money or save it?
I save because I'm a broke-ass college student.
72. Can I touch my nose with a tongue?
Ouch stretching my tongue feels weird. No I can't.
73. Is there anything pink 10 feet from me?
A bag and I guess my underwear? O_O
74. Favorite animal?
Hamsters <3 I wish I could be fat and cute and sleep all day.
75. What was I doing at 12AM?
Blogging
76. What do I think Satan's last name is?
I dunno lol Probably something in Latin
77. What's a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?
Bestie - Love options KDT <3 Good times and good vibes :3
78. How can you win my heart?
WELL. Just like kpop. You automatically win my heart. And food. And hugs. Really nice ones.
79. What would I want to be written on my tombstone?
"Her presence is like sunlight, bright and beautiful." or "She is the bright star in my dark night."
80. What is my favorite word?
Happy or Beautiful
81. My top 5 blogs on tumblr?
I just scroll down my dash and reblog whatever I like. I don't have a favorite blog.
82. If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?
Can someone help me pay for college and med school?
83. Do I have any relatives in jail?
I hope not...
84. I accidentally ate some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow me with the superpower of my choice! What is that power?
To be invisible. I'm such a stalker :3 But yah know free rides to places~
85. What would be a question I'd be afraid to tell the truth on?
I'm really open and honest most of the time but if specific people ask me "Do you like anyone?" then I straight up say no. LOL
86. What is my current desktop picture?
A picture of SHINee all sexy lookin.
87. Had sex?
Nope. Probably never will and stay a virgin my entire life.
88. Bought condoms?
No. Never needed to buy them anyway lol
89. Gotten pregnant?
THANK GOODNESS NO. My life would've been difficult now if I got pregnant now.
90. Failed a class?
Yeup. In 5th grade. I failed cuz I procrastinated. Oops.
91. Kissed a boy?
Nope. Never will cuz I'm a potato.
92. Kissed a girl?
Nope. I don't go that way.
93. Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?
Nope. Lip virgin affffff
94. Had a job?
NO IM SO PISSED I NEVER HAD ONE OMFG. My parents were so against me getting a job.
95. Left the house without my wallet?
Yeah cuz my mom had money lol
96. Bullied someone on the Internet?
Nope. If you're gonna talk shit, then at least tell me who you are you coward.
97. Had sex in public?
Uh no I'm still a virgin. Even if I wasn't, exhibition isn't my thing.
98. Played on a sports team?
Yeup. Basketball, softball, and track. Man I miss working out.
99. Smoked weed?
No but I'd be interested in trying it once. I'm not really into smoking in general cuz I love my lungs.
100. Did drugs?
I overdosed on cough syrup before. #badassaf
101. Smoked cigarettes?
Ew no. Nasty shit.
102. Drank alcohol?
Yeup. I'm light weight though cuz I'm a tiny person.
103. Am I a vegetarian/vegan?
Nah. Cuz bacon and steak.
104. Been overweight?
Nope.
105. Been underweight?
Yeup. When I was younger like around elementary school, I used to be really skinny because I was a picky eater. Now I can eat almost anything haha
106. Been to a wedding?
Yeup. They're really cute.
107. Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?
Yeah for this AP Government partner project with one of my best friends. I was awake for more than 24 hours.
108. Watched TV for 5 hours straight?
Yeup. I don't watch TV that often so when I do find something interesting on TV, I can watch for hours.
109. Been outside my home country?
Nope but I would love to travel around the world with my family. My parents deserve it, especially my mom.
110. Gotten my heart broken?
Oh yeah definitely. Plenty of times. It's the reason why I've been single my entire life and don't like the idea of me being in a relationship. I'm insecure about stuff like that obviously lol.
111. Been to a professional sports game?
Yeah but sports isn't my thing.
112. Broken a bone?
Thank goodness no.
113. Cut myself?
No... I was too scared to do that back then when I was really depressed. I bruised myself instead.
114. Been to prom?
Hell yeah. Lit af. I was wild at prom hehe. KDT fam made prom lit. The middle of the dance floor was so hot omg. Grinding trains and circles are fun just sayin ;)
115. Been in an airplane?
Yeup. It was kewls.
116. Fly by helicopter?
No but that sounds like fun~
117. What concerts have I been to?
SM Town concert in LA. I SAW SHINEE LIVE THATS LIKE. UGH. TALENT AND HAPPINESS AND FEELS. I lost my voice the day after hehe.
118. Had a crush on someone of the same sex?
Nope.
119. Learned another language?
Nah. Tried to but I was busy with other stuff like kpop and kdramas :3
120. Wore make up?
Yeh. It makes me look like my age.
121. Lost my virginity before I was 18?
Omg no. I had more important things like education and KDT. LOL
122. Had oral sex?
Uh no I'm a virgin LOOOL
123. Dyed my hair?
Yus. A black, brown, red ombre. I wanna dye my hair pastel purple~
124. Voted in a presidential election?
THIS YEAR I WILL BECAUSE I'M A CITIZEN THAT LIVES IN THIS TERRIFYING COUNTRY. Like dude. Trump might be the president. Just no.
125. Rode in an ambulance?
No. I might later on cuz I wanna be a surgeon.
126. Had a surgery?
Yeup. Oral surgery for this stubborn tooth that wouldn't grow out. Now it is and I'm happy I got that surgery or else I would've waited maybe more than 5 years for the stupid tooth to grow out.
127. Met someone famous?
YEAH. Politically famous. Mike Hondaaaa. He's such a cool person hehe.
128. Stalked someone on a social network?
Well duh. Everyone does that.
129. Peed outside?
Well yeah. So difficult for people with vaginas to pee. Struggles...
130. Been fishing?
Nooooooo. It looks really boring.
131. Helped with charity?
Yes it's a wonderful thing to do~~
132. Been rejected by a crush?
Hahaha. Yeah. Plenty of times.
133. Broken a mirror?
No because I'm not that ugly.
134. What do I want for my birthday?
A few hoodies from universities (I love hoodies omgg), tickets to a kpop concert, lace tights, a hamster, chokers, dark lipsticks, eyeliner, a nice hug from a special someone and some time with him~ (ugh kill me now feelings go away leave)
135. How many kids do I want and what will be their names?
Three or maybe four. I dunno their names lol. Depends on the gender.
136. Was I named after anyone?
Nope.
137. Do I like my handwriting?
Eh. It's ok.
138. What was my favorite toy as a child?
A book because I was always reading.
139. Favorite TV show?
Don't have one but I like watching the cooking channel.
140. Where do I want to live when I'm older?
In the city.
141. Play any musical instrument?
Does my voice count? LOL
142. One of my scars, how did I get it?
The little kitty scratched me cuz she wanted to play. It's ok because I can't get mad at anything that's cute.
143. Favorite pizza topping?
Anything with meat on it~
144. Am I afraid of the dark?
Sometimes yeah...
145. Am I afraid of heights?
Nope thankfully.
146. Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?
Hell yeah haha.
147. Have I ever tried my hardest and then got disappointed in the end?
Yeah, it's sucks...
148. What I'm really bad at.
Writing.
149. What my greatest achievements are.
Getting over depression, graduating from high school, somehow passing my classes in college so far
150. The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me.
You're stupid.
151. What I'd do if I won in a lottery.
Pay off my parents' bills, take my family on a trip, buy a house, buy my mom a Louis Vuitton purse, buy my dad that one car he wants lol, buy my sister a huge stuffed animal from sanrio, buy my brother whatever he wants because my family doesn't spend much money on him and I feel bad, buy my grandma some new clothes and warm blanket, buy a shit load of kpop albums, travel to South Korea for a week or two, go to a kpop concert, clothes, and food.
152. What do I like about myself?
I like that I'm a loving, understanding, and passionate person.
153. My closest tumblr friend.
Don't have one.
154. Something I fantasize about.
Haha. It's a bit rated R.
155. Any question you'd like
Can you help me pay for college and med school?
The ask/send a number to inbox questionanaire!!! - alexnotsosecretworld
1. Full name:
Melissa Ann Mercado Isla
2. Zodiac sign:
Gemini
3. 3 fears:
Being lonely for a long time, feeling like I've been used again
4. 3 things
I don't get it but ok three things. Cheese, chocolate, tea
5. 4 turn on's
intelligence, good sense of humor, likes kpop, gives good hugs
6. 4 turn off's
being ignorant and close-minded, doesn't like animals, a rude attitude, being impatient af
7. My best friend?
Do multiple best friends count?
8. Sexual orientation?
Straight
9. My best first date?
HAHAHAHA THAT'S HILARIOUS. Never went on a date.
10. How tall am I?
5' yeup short af. It's a blessing and challenge.
11. What do I miss?
My mom's cooking, milk tea from Milpitas
12. What time was I born?
I honestly have no idea. My parents lost my birth certificate. Oops.
13. Favorite color?
Green~~
14. Do I have a crush?
Sadly yes. Why sadly? Because I overthink shit that's why. But yeah I do.
15. Favorite quote?
"Cogito ergo sum. I think, therefore I am." - René Descartes
16. Favorite place?
A buffet.
17. Favorite food?
Sushi
18. Do I use sarcasm?
Well I don't know. Do I?
19. What am I listening to now?
Epik High's version of Eyes, Nose, Lips.
20. First thing I notice in new person?
The way the person talks.
21. Shoe size?
Women: 5 Men: 2
22. Eye color?
Brown
23. Hair color?
Black with a faded red color on the ends
24. Favorite style of clothing?
25. Ever done a prank call?
Nope.
26. What color of underwear I'm wearing now?
O__O um pink... getting a bit curious to why that question.
27. Meaning behind my URL?
I'm always feeling emotions because I'm an emotional person.
28. Favorite movie?
Rapunzel
29. Favorite song?
Don't have one.
30. Favorite band?
SHINee <3 They're not a band but a kpop group with 5 adorable idiots that I love.
31. How I feel right now?
Cold because it's cold in the living room, a cramped feeling in my left leg
32. Someone I love.
Just go through the Emotions gmfu tag. You get the idea.
33. My current relationship status.
Single af. Probably gonna stay single af for the rest of my life tbh...
34. My relationship with my parents.
Eh. It's ok. They love me, I love them. Pretty much.
35. Favorite holiday.
Thanksgiving. Because food.
36. Tattoos and piercings I have.
I have two piercings. One on each ear lobe.
37. Tattoos and piercings I want.
I dunno about tattoos. It's a big commitment to get one. I want an upper lobe one on my left ear and a helix on my right ear.
38. The reason I joined Blogger.
Read my intro lol
39. Do I and my last ex hate each other?
LOL what ex. Never had one.
40. Do I ever get "good morning" or "good night" texts?
Not everyday. Sometimes yeah.
41. Have I ever kissed the last person I texted?
No.
42. When did I last hold hands?
In church.
43. How long does it take for me to get ready in the morning?
like 20 mins if I'm rushing. An hour and 30 mins if I'm not.
44. Have I shaved my legs in the past three days?
Yeup. Gotta shave them soon.
45. Where am I right now?
In the living room of my apartment.
46. If I were drunk & can't stand, who's taking care of me?
One of my best friends. Genevieveeeeeeeeee <3
47. Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?
Depends on the situation.
48. Do I live with my mom or dad?
Neither. I'm on my own in the city.
49. Am I excited for anything?
Not really...
50. Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?
Mhm. It's cool. We can talk about anything. Literally anything haha.
51. How often do I wear a fake smile?
I used to wear a fake smile but I don't anymore. I'll save the explanation for another post.
52. When was the last time I hugged someone?
When my friend Lisa and I had to go our separate ways after going out to eat lunch.
53. What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?
Well nothing would happen because I never kissed anyone LOOOOOL
54. Is there anyone I trust even though I shouldn't?
Nope. I'm very selective with who I trust.
55. What is something I disliked about today?
Nothing really. Today was ok.
56. If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
SHINee <3
57. What do I think about the most?
Feelings for this dude. lol oops. He won't read this anyway.
58. What's my strangest talent?
I can eat a lot of things. Except raw oysters and internal organs except intestines.
59. Do I have any strange phobias?
I really hate things that squirm like worms.
60. Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
In front~
61. What was the last lie I told?
I don't love him. LOL. Nothing much happening after I admitted it. Just the same shit with stronger feelings. Yah know, insecurities about myself and all that.
62. Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?
Talking on the phone. OH MY GOODNESS. I'm sorry I can't but think of those late nights I'm so sorry I just think about it automatically because it happened so many times haha.
63. Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
Yes to both.
64. Do I believe in magic?
In a sense yes.
65. Do I believe in luck?
Yeup~
66. What's the weather like right now?
Cold and windy
67. What was the last book I read?
The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde
68. Do I like the smell of gasoline?
Ew nope.
69. Do I have any nicknames?
Isla
70. What was the worse injury I've ever had?
When I was younger, I was at the park and I slipped off of this balance thingy and scraped my knee. There was a lot of blood LOL.
71. Do I spend money or save it?
I save because I'm a broke-ass college student.
72. Can I touch my nose with a tongue?
Ouch stretching my tongue feels weird. No I can't.
73. Is there anything pink 10 feet from me?
A bag and I guess my underwear? O_O
74. Favorite animal?
Hamsters <3 I wish I could be fat and cute and sleep all day.
75. What was I doing at 12AM?
Blogging
76. What do I think Satan's last name is?
I dunno lol Probably something in Latin
77. What's a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?
Bestie - Love options KDT <3 Good times and good vibes :3
78. How can you win my heart?
WELL. Just like kpop. You automatically win my heart. And food. And hugs. Really nice ones.
79. What would I want to be written on my tombstone?
"Her presence is like sunlight, bright and beautiful." or "She is the bright star in my dark night."
80. What is my favorite word?
Happy or Beautiful
81. My top 5 blogs on tumblr?
I just scroll down my dash and reblog whatever I like. I don't have a favorite blog.
82. If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?
Can someone help me pay for college and med school?
83. Do I have any relatives in jail?
I hope not...
84. I accidentally ate some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow me with the superpower of my choice! What is that power?
To be invisible. I'm such a stalker :3 But yah know free rides to places~
85. What would be a question I'd be afraid to tell the truth on?
I'm really open and honest most of the time but if specific people ask me "Do you like anyone?" then I straight up say no. LOL
86. What is my current desktop picture?
A picture of SHINee all sexy lookin.
87. Had sex?
Nope. Probably never will and stay a virgin my entire life.
88. Bought condoms?
No. Never needed to buy them anyway lol
89. Gotten pregnant?
THANK GOODNESS NO. My life would've been difficult now if I got pregnant now.
90. Failed a class?
Yeup. In 5th grade. I failed cuz I procrastinated. Oops.
91. Kissed a boy?
Nope. Never will cuz I'm a potato.
92. Kissed a girl?
Nope. I don't go that way.
93. Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?
Nope. Lip virgin affffff
94. Had a job?
NO IM SO PISSED I NEVER HAD ONE OMFG. My parents were so against me getting a job.
95. Left the house without my wallet?
Yeah cuz my mom had money lol
96. Bullied someone on the Internet?
Nope. If you're gonna talk shit, then at least tell me who you are you coward.
97. Had sex in public?
Uh no I'm still a virgin. Even if I wasn't, exhibition isn't my thing.
98. Played on a sports team?
Yeup. Basketball, softball, and track. Man I miss working out.
99. Smoked weed?
No but I'd be interested in trying it once. I'm not really into smoking in general cuz I love my lungs.
100. Did drugs?
I overdosed on cough syrup before. #badassaf
101. Smoked cigarettes?
Ew no. Nasty shit.
102. Drank alcohol?
Yeup. I'm light weight though cuz I'm a tiny person.
103. Am I a vegetarian/vegan?
Nah. Cuz bacon and steak.
104. Been overweight?
Nope.
105. Been underweight?
Yeup. When I was younger like around elementary school, I used to be really skinny because I was a picky eater. Now I can eat almost anything haha
106. Been to a wedding?
Yeup. They're really cute.
107. Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?
Yeah for this AP Government partner project with one of my best friends. I was awake for more than 24 hours.
108. Watched TV for 5 hours straight?
Yeup. I don't watch TV that often so when I do find something interesting on TV, I can watch for hours.
109. Been outside my home country?
Nope but I would love to travel around the world with my family. My parents deserve it, especially my mom.
110. Gotten my heart broken?
Oh yeah definitely. Plenty of times. It's the reason why I've been single my entire life and don't like the idea of me being in a relationship. I'm insecure about stuff like that obviously lol.
111. Been to a professional sports game?
Yeah but sports isn't my thing.
112. Broken a bone?
Thank goodness no.
113. Cut myself?
No... I was too scared to do that back then when I was really depressed. I bruised myself instead.
114. Been to prom?
Hell yeah. Lit af. I was wild at prom hehe. KDT fam made prom lit. The middle of the dance floor was so hot omg. Grinding trains and circles are fun just sayin ;)
115. Been in an airplane?
Yeup. It was kewls.
116. Fly by helicopter?
No but that sounds like fun~
117. What concerts have I been to?
SM Town concert in LA. I SAW SHINEE LIVE THATS LIKE. UGH. TALENT AND HAPPINESS AND FEELS. I lost my voice the day after hehe.
118. Had a crush on someone of the same sex?
Nope.
119. Learned another language?
Nah. Tried to but I was busy with other stuff like kpop and kdramas :3
120. Wore make up?
Yeh. It makes me look like my age.
121. Lost my virginity before I was 18?
Omg no. I had more important things like education and KDT. LOL
122. Had oral sex?
Uh no I'm a virgin LOOOL
123. Dyed my hair?
Yus. A black, brown, red ombre. I wanna dye my hair pastel purple~
124. Voted in a presidential election?
THIS YEAR I WILL BECAUSE I'M A CITIZEN THAT LIVES IN THIS TERRIFYING COUNTRY. Like dude. Trump might be the president. Just no.
125. Rode in an ambulance?
No. I might later on cuz I wanna be a surgeon.
126. Had a surgery?
Yeup. Oral surgery for this stubborn tooth that wouldn't grow out. Now it is and I'm happy I got that surgery or else I would've waited maybe more than 5 years for the stupid tooth to grow out.
127. Met someone famous?
YEAH. Politically famous. Mike Hondaaaa. He's such a cool person hehe.
128. Stalked someone on a social network?
Well duh. Everyone does that.
129. Peed outside?
Well yeah. So difficult for people with vaginas to pee. Struggles...
130. Been fishing?
Nooooooo. It looks really boring.
131. Helped with charity?
Yes it's a wonderful thing to do~~
132. Been rejected by a crush?
Hahaha. Yeah. Plenty of times.
133. Broken a mirror?
No because I'm not that ugly.
134. What do I want for my birthday?
A few hoodies from universities (I love hoodies omgg), tickets to a kpop concert, lace tights, a hamster, chokers, dark lipsticks, eyeliner, a nice hug from a special someone and some time with him~ (ugh kill me now feelings go away leave)
135. How many kids do I want and what will be their names?
Three or maybe four. I dunno their names lol. Depends on the gender.
136. Was I named after anyone?
Nope.
137. Do I like my handwriting?
Eh. It's ok.
138. What was my favorite toy as a child?
A book because I was always reading.
139. Favorite TV show?
Don't have one but I like watching the cooking channel.
140. Where do I want to live when I'm older?
In the city.
141. Play any musical instrument?
Does my voice count? LOL
142. One of my scars, how did I get it?
The little kitty scratched me cuz she wanted to play. It's ok because I can't get mad at anything that's cute.
143. Favorite pizza topping?
Anything with meat on it~
144. Am I afraid of the dark?
Sometimes yeah...
145. Am I afraid of heights?
Nope thankfully.
146. Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?
Hell yeah haha.
147. Have I ever tried my hardest and then got disappointed in the end?
Yeah, it's sucks...
148. What I'm really bad at.
Writing.
149. What my greatest achievements are.
Getting over depression, graduating from high school, somehow passing my classes in college so far
150. The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me.
You're stupid.
151. What I'd do if I won in a lottery.
Pay off my parents' bills, take my family on a trip, buy a house, buy my mom a Louis Vuitton purse, buy my dad that one car he wants lol, buy my sister a huge stuffed animal from sanrio, buy my brother whatever he wants because my family doesn't spend much money on him and I feel bad, buy my grandma some new clothes and warm blanket, buy a shit load of kpop albums, travel to South Korea for a week or two, go to a kpop concert, clothes, and food.
152. What do I like about myself?
I like that I'm a loving, understanding, and passionate person.
153. My closest tumblr friend.
Don't have one.
154. Something I fantasize about.
Haha. It's a bit rated R.
155. Any question you'd like
Can you help me pay for college and med school?
How often do I wear a fake smile?
51. How often do I wear a fake smile?
I used to wear a fake smile often but not anymore. I'll save that for another post.
This brings back so many depressing moments, but it has a happy ending. Back then when I was really depressed and a bit suicidal, I read that smiling in the mirror helps when you just cried a lot so that people won't tell that you just cried a lot. One day, I was at a school festival and I felt lonely and ignored, as if you're surrounded by a lot of people but you feel like you don't belong. I went to the bathroom and cried. Then I tried smiling in the mirror because I didn't want people to see that I was crying a lot a few minutes ago. I looked like a mess. Then I tried smiling. It felt weird and uncomfortable at first but I went on to washing and wiping my face.
I kept doing that every time after I cried. I did it so often, it became a habit. After getting over my depression with the help of my friend Leah, I noticed something about myself while I was looking in the mirror.
"Wow. I'm pretty when I smile."
I realized I had a habit of smiling in front of the mirror and why it became a habit. I'm thankful for it.
To all those out there suffering from depression or having a bad day: Smile. Things will get better.
I used to wear a fake smile often but not anymore. I'll save that for another post.
This brings back so many depressing moments, but it has a happy ending. Back then when I was really depressed and a bit suicidal, I read that smiling in the mirror helps when you just cried a lot so that people won't tell that you just cried a lot. One day, I was at a school festival and I felt lonely and ignored, as if you're surrounded by a lot of people but you feel like you don't belong. I went to the bathroom and cried. Then I tried smiling in the mirror because I didn't want people to see that I was crying a lot a few minutes ago. I looked like a mess. Then I tried smiling. It felt weird and uncomfortable at first but I went on to washing and wiping my face.
I kept doing that every time after I cried. I did it so often, it became a habit. After getting over my depression with the help of my friend Leah, I noticed something about myself while I was looking in the mirror.
"Wow. I'm pretty when I smile."
I realized I had a habit of smiling in front of the mirror and why it became a habit. I'm thankful for it.
To all those out there suffering from depression or having a bad day: Smile. Things will get better.
Friday, September 23, 2016
More about me pt.2
I'm working on part 3 because it's 101 questions LOL
Procrastinating again.
Distract not Destruct - betterthandarkchocolate
1. Honestly, what's on your mind now?
How I'm gonna sort out my assignments, papers, readings, projects, and homework. College.
2. Do you regret anything?
Yeah. Procrastinating my ass off. But we all do that so. Eh.
3. Are you mad at anyone?
Nope. Just salty.
4. Do you believe what goes around comes around?
Yeah. But I'll save the explanation for another post.
5. Do you find it easy to trust others?
No.
6. What are you listening to?
Nicki Minaj - Feelin Myself ft. Beyonce
7. Were you happier four months ago than you are now?
Damn right. So much change lately and I'm thankful for it.
8. What color is the shirt you are wearing?
White-ish gray
9. Do you have a secret that you've never told anyone?
Yeah. hehe
10. Do you think age matters in a relationship?
I mean if you wanna avoid going to jail in some scenarios then yeah it does.
11. Did you get any compliments today?
Yeup~ A friend of mine told me that I'm good at dancing and so does KDT <3
12. Do you own anything from other countries?
Kpop albums :3, some clothing from Spain
13. Picture of yourself?
Look at my profile pic lol
14. Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?
I get emotional and attached to people easily so no open-ended relationships for me. But if that's your thing then go ahead. You do you but don't do me.
15. What part of a person's body do you find most attractive?
I dunno. I don't really focus on a person's physical appearances. Uh I guess the jaw-neck-collarbone area. Whoops there goes my wandering mind :3
16. Do you cook?
Yes of course how else am I gonna survive college under a budget?
17. Random fact about yourself
My favorite color is green but I like to wear dark colors.
18. Is there one person you look at and automatically smile?
Yeup.
19. On average, how often do you read a book cover-to-cover?
I've been so busy lately, I don't have time to read :(
20. What are some commonly-used expressions that make you cringe when you hear them?
That "daddy, mommy" kink. I joke around with it with my friends but like... during sex? Nah. I don't wanna think about my parents while having sex. Still a virgin and probably gonna stay that way for the rest of my life because I'll be busy making money :)
21. What songs make you feel instantly happy?
K-POP <3
22. Is it easy to annoy you?
Nope. I'm pretty chill and understanding.
23. What are you looking forward to right now?
Eating lunch tomorrow. Or maybe a text or two.
24. Do you believe at love at first sight?
LOOOOOL no. I think that's really stupid. For me, I fall in love with someone when you get to know that person better after spending a lot of time with him. (This is so not me omfg. I normally would gag at stuff like this.)
25. Ask me anything?
Are you happy with yourself?
Procrastinating again.
Distract not Destruct - betterthandarkchocolate
1. Honestly, what's on your mind now?
How I'm gonna sort out my assignments, papers, readings, projects, and homework. College.
2. Do you regret anything?
Yeah. Procrastinating my ass off. But we all do that so. Eh.
3. Are you mad at anyone?
Nope. Just salty.
4. Do you believe what goes around comes around?
Yeah. But I'll save the explanation for another post.
5. Do you find it easy to trust others?
No.
6. What are you listening to?
Nicki Minaj - Feelin Myself ft. Beyonce
7. Were you happier four months ago than you are now?
Damn right. So much change lately and I'm thankful for it.
8. What color is the shirt you are wearing?
White-ish gray
9. Do you have a secret that you've never told anyone?
Yeah. hehe
10. Do you think age matters in a relationship?
I mean if you wanna avoid going to jail in some scenarios then yeah it does.
11. Did you get any compliments today?
Yeup~ A friend of mine told me that I'm good at dancing and so does KDT <3
12. Do you own anything from other countries?
Kpop albums :3, some clothing from Spain
13. Picture of yourself?
Look at my profile pic lol
14. Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?
I get emotional and attached to people easily so no open-ended relationships for me. But if that's your thing then go ahead. You do you but don't do me.
15. What part of a person's body do you find most attractive?
I dunno. I don't really focus on a person's physical appearances. Uh I guess the jaw-neck-collarbone area. Whoops there goes my wandering mind :3
16. Do you cook?
Yes of course how else am I gonna survive college under a budget?
17. Random fact about yourself
My favorite color is green but I like to wear dark colors.
18. Is there one person you look at and automatically smile?
Yeup.
19. On average, how often do you read a book cover-to-cover?
I've been so busy lately, I don't have time to read :(
20. What are some commonly-used expressions that make you cringe when you hear them?
That "daddy, mommy" kink. I joke around with it with my friends but like... during sex? Nah. I don't wanna think about my parents while having sex. Still a virgin and probably gonna stay that way for the rest of my life because I'll be busy making money :)
21. What songs make you feel instantly happy?
K-POP <3
22. Is it easy to annoy you?
Nope. I'm pretty chill and understanding.
23. What are you looking forward to right now?
Eating lunch tomorrow. Or maybe a text or two.
24. Do you believe at love at first sight?
LOOOOOL no. I think that's really stupid. For me, I fall in love with someone when you get to know that person better after spending a lot of time with him. (This is so not me omfg. I normally would gag at stuff like this.)
25. Ask me anything?
Are you happy with yourself?
Wednesday, September 14, 2016
End it.
This is the reason why you shouldn't suppress emotions.
I'm really tired of this. It's a constant cycle. I always do this to myself. Reasons why I should avoid having feelings for people. I'm putting my hopes into something that won't ever happen. That's not healthy. I admitted to the thing I was "confused" about when I was messaging my friend in class. I was surpressing all of it because I didn't want to admit it. I was hoping that ignoring it would eventually make me forget about it. But it kept bothering me lately. So I was thinking, "Fuck it. Stop lying to yourself." and I admittted to it. Indirectly.
I'm a bit annoyed at one of my friends. We talked a bit before about the thing I was confused about and he said that it's too young for me to feel something like that. Well, excuse me. I'm sorry I feel that way. It's not my fault I feel that way to someone...
There was a lot of other things that were clouding up my mind. But there's so many I can't focus on one. I'll eventually remember one of them.
I should eat. I wish I was stressed about my classes more than feelings. But the roof of my apartment building is so nice. It's really cold up here but I'll stay a bit longer.
I'm really tired of this. It's a constant cycle. I always do this to myself. Reasons why I should avoid having feelings for people. I'm putting my hopes into something that won't ever happen. That's not healthy. I admitted to the thing I was "confused" about when I was messaging my friend in class. I was surpressing all of it because I didn't want to admit it. I was hoping that ignoring it would eventually make me forget about it. But it kept bothering me lately. So I was thinking, "Fuck it. Stop lying to yourself." and I admittted to it. Indirectly.
I'm a bit annoyed at one of my friends. We talked a bit before about the thing I was confused about and he said that it's too young for me to feel something like that. Well, excuse me. I'm sorry I feel that way. It's not my fault I feel that way to someone...
There was a lot of other things that were clouding up my mind. But there's so many I can't focus on one. I'll eventually remember one of them.
I should eat. I wish I was stressed about my classes more than feelings. But the roof of my apartment building is so nice. It's really cold up here but I'll stay a bit longer.
Saturday, September 10, 2016
Migraine problems
So tired right now... I just copied a full page of notes for statistics because I have to review everything in order for me to do homework. I understand everything, but I forget some stuff so I have to re-write my notes on a separate notebook so that they're legible. I love math cuz it's like solving a complex puzzle but like eh I'm too lazy at times. Heh.
Ugh. I felt like I was gonna get a migraine a few seconds ago. Here's some tips if you ever get one:
-Go to a quiet area
-Put your head down and close your eyes
-Relax and try to stay there till the migraine passes
-Take a nap after. Your brain needs a break from that horrible experience.
When you get a migraine, you become sensitive to a lot of stimuli and being exposed to them can worsen it. That's why going to a quiet area and less exposure to light can help. It depends on how long the migraine lasts because it's different for everyone and different triggers occur when you know you're about to get a migraine. For example, when I drink a lot of caffeine, I get migraines. I know when I'll be getting one when I see a visual aura. It's called Scintillating scotoma and very common before getting a migraine.
Here's some more info about it: Scintillating scotoma
I should be a doctor someday. Lol. Maybe...
Ugh. I felt like I was gonna get a migraine a few seconds ago. Here's some tips if you ever get one:
-Go to a quiet area
-Put your head down and close your eyes
-Relax and try to stay there till the migraine passes
-Take a nap after. Your brain needs a break from that horrible experience.
When you get a migraine, you become sensitive to a lot of stimuli and being exposed to them can worsen it. That's why going to a quiet area and less exposure to light can help. It depends on how long the migraine lasts because it's different for everyone and different triggers occur when you know you're about to get a migraine. For example, when I drink a lot of caffeine, I get migraines. I know when I'll be getting one when I see a visual aura. It's called Scintillating scotoma and very common before getting a migraine.
Here's some more info about it: Scintillating scotoma
I should be a doctor someday. Lol. Maybe...
Wednesday, September 7, 2016
More about me
I'm procrastinating right now because I don't want to do my microbio homework. I found this questionnaire on tumblr and I felt like answering them just cuz.
I'm doing this
because I'm bored and lame.... - kittylitterkids
1. Three things I want
to say to three different people.
I only have $77 in my bank account. Tragic. I'm still one of your best friends right?
2. One of my
insecurities.
My eczema. It makes my hands looks rough and scarred.
3. What turns me on.
Intelligence and a good sense of humor. (and if you like K-pop)
4. One of my bad
habits.
Procrastination.
5. Who I wish I could
be.
An amazing dancer with experience in every style and knows everything about the human body and mind.
6. Where I want to be
right now.
In bed sleeping.
7. The last thing I
ate.
Spamusubi.
8. Sexiest person that
comes to my mind immediately.
Me ;)
9. What song I’m
currently listening to.
I'm not listening to anything right now.
10. The last time I
cried and why.
I was worried about starving myself at college because I forget to eat sometimes and I'm really low on money because I had to buy a stupid calculator.
11. Something I’m
excited about.
BTS'S COMEBACK BITCHES.
12. 5 things I like
about myself and 5 things I dislike about myself.
I'm a very open-minded and understanding person, I like my body LOL, my friendly personality, my salty attitude, and my ability to adapt to new environments.
I hate how much I fucking procrastinate but eh it happens, how emotional I get, being indecisive, my forgetfulness, and my short-attention span.
13. Three things I
want right now.
A taller chair, mac n cheese, and a hug from one of my best friends that's in Utah right now. I miss yah dewd.
14. Are you wearing a
necklace, who got it for you, where’s it from?
Nope not wearing one.
15. How long was your
last phone conversation?
I think an hour and 30 minutes.
16. What are you
looking forward to?
Eating a dish with a lot of cheese on it. I love cheese.
17. Did you get
anything off your chest today?
Yeah. Kinda.
18. How many rings do
you usually wear?
None.
19. Would you rather
go to Canada or California on vacation?
Canada because I'm from California LOL.
20. Are you wearing
jeans, shorts, sweatpants or pajama pants?
Shorts because I love the way these shorts embrace my butt and because my legs need to breath.
21. Do you call it
fall or autumn?
Fall because it's shorter.
22. Are you an
emotional person?
Yeah. A very emotional person.
23. It’s 2 in the
morning and you get a text message, who is it most likely from?
No one. I'd be the one sending a text message at 2AM hehe. Oh no wait one of my best friends. The one in Utah. You know what I mean if you're reading this. Yeah. Great memories. LOL
24. Do you like long
car rides?
If I don't have the drastic urge to pee then yeah.
25. Do you have an
adult you can talk to about anything?
Nope.
26. Last time you saw
your dad?
A few days ago because he was dropping me off at my apartment with my mom.
27. Have you ever
kissed someone in a vehicle?
LOOOOL no. Still a lip virgin.
28. Do you do your own
laundry?
Yeah. It's pretty easy. I don't know how people mess up.
29. Would you like the
ability to read minds?
Sure. It would make life a bit more interesting.
30. Has the last
person you kissed ever seen you cry?
LOOOOOL This doesn't apply to me because I've never kissed anyone.
31. You’re thinking
about a certain person right now, aren’t you?
Yeah I am and I hate that. Stupid question.
32. What will you be
doing in five years?
Hopefully starting nursing school.
34. Last 2 people to
text you?
My friend Lisa and the group text thingy for my roommates and I.
35. Do you know what
you want to be when you grow up?
Yeup. A nurse specialized in neuroscience because I think that mental health is very important to how a person lives his or her life.
36. Do you like to
cuddle?
LOL. Never done it, never will.
37. When angry, do you
get loud or quiet?
Quiet. I'm used to holding in my emotions.
38. Did anyone see you
kiss the last person you kissed on the lips?
LOOOOOL Never kissed anyone, never will.
39. Have you ever had
a best friend of the opposite sex?
Yeup. One in Milwaukee studying to become a doctor and the other in Utah doing Mormon stuff.
40. How’s your hair
right now?
Coiled up in a bun and held down with a giant hair clip.
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